Bitcoin Beware: Here Come the Chuck E. Cheese Tokens

NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- If I had written this story, it would be too just too far-fetched.

Here's the plot: I make up a currency. Let's call them Chuck E. Cheese tokens. The key is that it is untraceable money. It is not backed by any government or federal agency. I make them spendable over the Internet to make it cool, and I attach a made up nominal value.

But because it is unregulated and people assume there will never be more produced, it can fluctuate in value. Furthermore, I'll introduce it to the tech community because anything that is viral is epic. As more people learn of this digital currency and want to give it a try, this will, in itself, create a demand.

Step two: I need a big name attached to my new currency. Why not get the Winklevoss twins to talk about it? They've made it perfectly clear that they love the spotlight. Hell, why not have them attach their name to Chuck E. Cheese exchange house? Nope, that's not enough: We should have them go to space on their earnings from the Winklevoss/Chuck E. Cheese exchange earnings! That will definitely create a buzz. This is going to be the next big thing!

Ruh Roh... This untraceable money has problems. Turns out that not only techies like the idea of it, but so do people who want to launder money. Who could have seen that coming? Charlie Shrem, the CEO of one of our Chuck E. Cheese exchanges, gets busted for laundering money of drug lords. Call me crazy, but I'm not sure they were laundering money to get the remote control helicopter on the top shelf of Chuck E. Cheese's rewards program.

Ok, ok, I know this money-laundering thing is a bump in the road. Every currency goes through bumps. It's still an awesome product that can be spent anywhere and move around the interwebs in complete anonymity.

Wait, who else love anonymity as much as I do? Hackers! You mean to tell me that my Chuck E. Cheese tokens can get hacked? But it was such a novel idea. I thought the hackers would be on my side. Mt. Gox and Flexcoin should have had better firewalls!

At least nobody can blame me. Yes, I invented this currency and have been cashed out for years, but they'll never know who I am. Long ago I used a pseudonym!

Satoshi Nakamoto sounds cool. Kinda has the ring of an Internet ninja. Sure, there are probably people out there with the actual name, but I don't care. I'm going into real estate now. I plan on selling ocean-front property in Arizona. Don't worry, I'll sell it over the Internet. Nobody will know any better!


This article represents the opinion of a contributor and not necessarily that of TheStreet or its editorial staff.

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