STERLING, Ill., Nov. 2, 2016 /PRNewswire/ -- November has long held the prominent distinction as the most widely recognized time period during which bare-faced mortal men and women discover, or in some cases, rediscover, a deeply masculine and ruggedly handsome life of facial hair. Indeed, since pre- Cambrian times, human ancestors and even Alabama residents have known that the best defense against sickness, impending cold weather, poverty and stupidity is the girth of a facial mane. These are basic facts of nature and laser cocksmanship which remain true to this day.
With these tenants of historical fact in mind, the non-partisan American Mustache Institute (AMI) -- broadly considered the bravest organization in the history of mankind behind only the U.S. military and the post-Jim Henson Muppets -- along with Wahl Grooming ( www.wahlgrooming.com) -- the preeminent producer of crumb-catching pruning products -- today issued five vital tips of a multi-disciplinary education-focused public service partnership called the November Facial Hair Survival Guide. The effort focuses on mandating effective and proper facial hair growth during November to ensure for effective, efficient, long-lasting attractiveness. "For many weaker Americans, November is a time of extreme experimentation while they work to determine their ability to accept a lifestyle of facial hair," said Dr. Adam Paul Causgrove, chief executive of the American Mustache Institute. "We have a responsibility to assist those embarking on their journey to a better tomorrow, and along with Wahl we will achieve this mandate with swift militancy." Led by Dr. Causgrove and AMI's Thermo Nuclear Mustachery Division in partnership with Wahl, the November Facial Hair Survival Guide will provide some 833 steps -- released throughout the month -- sharing insights and best practices for experiencing a sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle or simply one of broader facial hair. The effort, Dr. Causgrove hopes, will ease the burden and pave the road toward a more effective, efficient, and prosperous life. "We're ushering in a pilgrimage," he noted. "The journey to a fully-embraced Mustached American lifestyle begins with putting down the razor on day one, and we are here to hold your naturally calloused and possibly quivering hand through what may be a challenging first month."