NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- There is no more urgent situation requiring the spin that only a high-powered centrifuge could provide than Tesla's (TSLA) need to raise additional capital. With only $1.5 billion in cash left, increasing net losses every quarter, and a quarterly burn in excess of $550 million, it does not require advanced math to figure out that the company needs to make a serious capital raise before Thanksgiving.
Here is my attempt at playing the company's hired spin-meister and writing a Tesla press release for the purpose:
The Next $3 Billion: A New Gigafactory to Supercharge the World
Tesla is launching a $3 billion opportunity for growth-hungry investors to take part in our most ambitious plan to change the world yet. With the way Tesla stock has been going in the past month, you probably don't need to hear any more, but please, just for a moment, put down your checkbooks, and listen.
In the recent weeks, the company has been overwhelmed by inquiries from channel partners and end-users alike to purchase battery systems for energy storage. This demand vastly exceeds the size of our current and planned automobile business. There are many more buildings -- residential and commercial -- in existence in the world today, than we will realistically sell cars in the next decade. In addition, demand is coming from the utilities that service these buildings. A battery is everything to everybody.
The opportunity is immense. If only 1% of the world's population sends us a $3,000 check, that's 70 million people multiplied by $3,000, or $210 billion. $210 billion! And why shouldn't they? We have told them that they really ought to buy this box, and they typically do what we tell them to do. Think about it: For only $3 billion, you as an investor could be facing the opportunity to serve $210 billion worth of sales. That's in the same ballpark as Apple (AAPL)!