Would you like to know how much your friends or relatives have in their 401(k)s? Of course you would! And once you found out, you'd compare their balances to yours. After all, most of us want to know how we're doing compared to everyone else -- so we can endeavor to keep up or even do better. Call it "beating the Joneses." Perhaps it's a vestige from many generations past, when relative standing within the tribe dictated access to resources and opportunities to pass along one's DNA. Oh, wait -- it's still that way. But to beat the Joneses, you have to know how they're doing. You know what kind of cars they drive; but it's harder to figure out whether their 401(k)s are the equivalent of a new Mercedes or a 14-year-old Lincoln Continental (my first car). I don't know how much the Joneses have in their 401(k)s, but below is some scuttlebutt about how the average worker is doing, courtesy of reports from Vanguard and Fidelity. Most numbers are as of the end of 2013, though some of the Fidelity numbers are more recent. 1. Average account balance: $89,300 (Fidelity) to $101,650 (Vanguard) Each number is an all-time high for its respective company. So that's a bit of sunshine shining through the typical gloom and doom we hear about Americans' retirement prospects. But don't break out the SPF 50 just yet, because here come some clouds. While the average Vanguard account is in the six figures, the median account (the one in the middle - half are worth more and half worth less) has just $31,396. That large difference is due to a minority of really big accounts -- generally held by higher-income, older, and/or longer-tenured employees -- that is skewing the average. To put those numbers into some context, the median age of an account holder at Vanguard is 46, the median job tenure is eight years, and the median income is $75,000. So this isn't a group of mostly low-income, fresh-faced college grads. But I'm sure that median employee is still good-looking and can dance (says the 45-year-old).