In the view of journalistic fairness, and hunger, I hightailed it to my nearest Taco Bell with pepto bismol and a map of all public bathrooms within a one-mile radius.
I tried one of everything on their new menu (no exaggeration, my order was "One of everything, kind sir"). For the most part, the additions were similar to McDonald's, only my McMuffin was flattened and a burrito.
Taco Bell's crowning jewel, though, was the waffle taco, an Odd Couple-style combination featuring a savory sausage patty and scrambled eggs wrapped in a sugary waffle "taco" shell, and served with a side of syrup. Your enjoyment depends on your tolerance for gluttony and whether you are wearing elastic-waist pants.
For those keeping tabs, I consumed a total 2,305 calories and 141.5g of fat in one sitting. Spare me your judgement; my 8-hour resulting nausea was punishment enough.
If you're to do likewise (YOLO, am I right?), I recommend clearing your schedule and taking a nap shortly after. Gorging is exhausting.
Let's play a game. Which photo is mine and which is Taco Bell's?
Spot the hash brown hiding in my A.M. Crunchwrap.
Challenge: order the 12-pack. Eat all. Feel no regret.