PORTLAND, Ore. (TheStreet) -- If you actually held out until today, St. Patrick's Day proper, to hoist a pint or two and celebrate all things Ireland, congratulations: You made the exact wrong move.
Getting a beer on St. Patrick's Day itself is perhaps the worst idea this side of going Christmas shopping Dec. 24. It's worse than hitting your supermarket on the afternoon before Super Bowl Sunday. It's worse than showing up to a movie theater at 7:29 p.m. for a 7:30 p.m. showing of a film that's debuting that night and asking for four tickets.
You either need to lower your expectations to somewhere below awful or just accept that your sense of timing and priority likely isn't all it could be. You're already gambling that that lovely Guinness flowing from the nitrogen tap isn't going right into a Solo cup or, worse, you're wagering that it's food dye that's making the cheap light lager at your local watering hole that lovely shade of green.
We're not saying that St. Patrick's Day, the parades that accompany it or the celebration of Irish heritage in general are in any way terrible things. All that is just fine. It's just the beer element that becomes a bit of a bother when everybody decides to go out for the holiday.
At best, it's an uncomfortable elbow-to-elbow day at the pub spent shouting over the third version of The Wild Rover you've heard in the past hour. At worst, it's an overpriced, overhyped, overindulged bane of a barkeeper's existence that reduces the beer drinking experience to a live version of the '80s video game Tapper and turns the cozy, communal aspects of pub into a nightmarish inversion of themselves.
We've already made our case against St. Patrick's Day and for better beers (and more Irish ones) on several occasions. Just in case that didn't sink in, here are some even stronger reasons not to blow your lunch break, evening or a Tuesday "sick day" on St. Patrick's Day beer.