Jim Cramer: Happy Birthday, You Bogus Bull Market

NEW YORK (Real Money) -- Happy fifth birthday, bull market! You've managed to rally 177%, yet most commentators and investors don't even believe you exist. Long may you run!

I dreaded this day's coming. I dreaded it because I knew that it would prompt a slew of articles about how this is now one of the older bull markets -- and indeed it is, as this bull market has already outlived the four-year lifespan of the species -- and that it has already overstayed its welcome.

I was right to dread it, because I awoke to a series of articles that just make you want to take this bull market and drive a bolt through its head and have it morph instantaneously to a growling and soon-to-be-triumphant bear.

Already within the last 24 hours I have read the following:

1. The initial public offering market is at its most prolific level since 2007 and, in many ways, since 2000. Yes, if you count how many IPOs there have been since the year began, and if you believe that IPOs represent froth, then the market at its frothiest since the top in 2007.

2. New York Stock Exchange margin debt has hit a record $451 billion, Forbes notes, as investors borrow more money than ever to buy into this long-running bull. As a measure of euphoria, margin debts are unrivaled, so the market is certainly about to get walloped.

3. There's a record corporate-bond issuance and, more important, a record issuance of the junk portion of the corporate bond market. This, in turn, has allowed companies to buy back stocks at record highs with cheap money.

4. We're seeing a record issuance of biotech IPOs. Always a sign of the top. Always. Plain as day.

5. The highest number of stocks are hitting new highs with no real earnings since 2000.

6. We're seeing the biggest one-day gains in the indices since 2000.

Oh, I could go on and on. Record gains in the airline stocks which are, as we are told endlessly, totally uninvestable. Record this, record that.

All fabulous warning signs. All judicious prudent signs of a top.

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