5 Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

5. SodaStream Gets Doused

Frankly SodaStream (SODA), nobody gives a damn about Scarlett.

Shares of the seltzer-machine maker, which trumpeted the hiring of sexpot Scarlett Johansson as its new spokesperson Saturday, got flattened Monday, falling over 26%, after it slashed its fiscal 2013 forecast due to disappointing Christmas sales. The Israel-based company says it now expects full-year net income of about $41.5 million on revenue of about $562 million, down from its prior projections of $54 million in profit on sales of approximately $567 million.

Come on folks. Nearly half of SodaStream's float was sold short at last check so it shouldn't be that big of a surprise that its bubble finally burst.

"Despite achieving all-time record sales, we failed to deliver our profit targets and are disappointed in our fourth quarter performance," said SodaStream CEO Daniel Birnbaum. "These preliminary results reflect a challenging holiday selling season in the U.S. and several factors, mostly from the second half of the quarter that negatively impacted our gross margin."

In other words, to quote TheStreet's very own Herb Greenberg, SodaStream is now an "all-in product, where nearly everybody who is going to get or give a SODA machine has done so or will." As a result, the company is cutting deals with retailers with the hope that higher volume will make up for lower margins and help it reduce a brimming inventory.

(Heck, we get all Herb's hate mail anyway so we might as well borrow a phrase or two from our buddy in San Diego.)

One thing Herb forgot to mention, however, was SodaStream's shameless ploy to redirect the Street's gaze onto the bombshell Johansson just prior to its earnings blowup.

"Scarlett is a long-time user and genuine fan of our products, a role model for healthy body image and a champion for environmental responsibility, making her the perfect choice for our global ambassador," flattered Birnbaum. "She truly embodies our brand values and we are honored to have her join our team."

"Healthy body". "Embodies our brand values." We get it. Scarlett's stacked.

Not that it matters anyway, Dan.

As much as those wolves on Wall Street appreciate Scarlett's bottom line, it's not going to keep them from focusing on yours.

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