Sorkin writes with a level of decorum several degrees above the norm set by an average Joe like me. Of course, there's a place for that, but there's also a place for, let's say, a cross between Maxim and Men's Health. Because, we're all adults here. We all deal with the same or a similar set of issues. So why can't we speak about them openly and maturely?

I went on an ultimately stalled quest for the perfect undergarments because, simply stated, I sweat. A lot. Back sweat and butt sweat. It can make for a rough existence at times. Back sweat looks bad. And butt sweat is simply uncomfortable. The wrong undergarments can actually make the problems worse.

With Tommy Johns on my back and my butt, I still sweat. No doubt. I know I am sweating, but I don't feel like I am sweating. There's something about the material, the fit, the entire experience that provides this simultaneous response: I know I'm wearing underwear -- and it feels great -- but it doesn't really feel like I'm wearing underwear.

Tommy John touts it's stretch technology, which purports to keep you perfectly tucked (it works) as well as its "Quick Draw Fly" for "quick access when nature calls." That also works perfectly. After experiencing Tommy John's "horizontal fly" Wednesday morning, I knew I was in love.

For fear of being too crude, I, for the first time in a long time, was consciously concerned about not letting that one last dribble land on the inside of my undershorts. I just didn't want even one drop of a foreign substance on these things. This dribbling happens, most frequently, during two somewhat similar, though very (hopefully) separate events for men. Though it hasn't been put to the test, I think the fabric Tommy John uses has powerful absorption qualities so you'll remain comfortable even if you make a "mistake."

That said, I will make sure I'm shaken, stirred and drained to the point where my Tommy Johns stay good as new. I never exercised that level of care and control with my Under Armour, ExOfficio and Kenneth Cole stuff.

From a psychological standpoint, I am a new man.

Seeing a ripped guy modeling underwear never really provided me much motivation to get in better shape. I'm not fat, though I could lose some excess weight around my waist. And, while I'm not wimpy, with a little work, my body style (picture former NY Giants running back Joe Morris) lends itself to a modest level of muscularity. Seeing Tommy John advertisements and, subsequently, seeing myself in my mirror in their product triggered this image of a new, better fit me.

I'm re-situating that workout routine I've been mailing in for the last six months immediately.

Tommy John threw me a curve ball, via Andrew Ross Sorkin, I wasn't expecting. And it turned me into a new man.

-- Written by Rocco Pendola in Santa Monica, Calif.
Rocco Pendola is a columnist and TheStreet's Director of Social Media. Pendola makes frequent appearances on national television networks such as CNN and CNBC as well as TheStreet TV. Whenever possible, Pendola uses hockey, Springsteen or Southern California references in his work. He lives in Santa Monica.

If you liked this article you might like

Under Armour's Future Is Bleak for Right Now

Under Armour Still Running Flat-Footed

Adidas Is Beating Nike in Sneaker Market Share, New Survey Reveals

Analysts Wrong on iPhone; Retail Not Going Away: Best of Cramer

A$AP Rocky Signs With Under Armour