Shut Up and Listen: Ask Noah

NEW YORK ( TheStreet) -- Q: I've a reputation for having a big mouth and speaking inappropriately especially in social situations. This tendency has offended people multiple times, and I really would like to know why I keep doing this. Any ideas?

A:: I think your rudeness defends you against forming close relationships with others. What are you afraid of revealing?

Start by consciously listening to other people and remove the focus from you. Treat each social situation as a learning opportunity, rather than a speaking engagement. Your compulsive need to behave inappropriately will lessen as you begin to invest in meaningful relationships.

Be honest about the consequences of acting rudely. I wouldn't be surprised if friends and colleagues don't feel safe around you. Your outbursts kill the trust those people have for you and dilutes their desire to invest.

You don't have to speak your mind all the time!

Editing yourself is not being dishonest; it allows others into your life. Stop worrying about feeling judged and take the risk of opening up. Some people will like you; some won't. That's life.

Drop the aggressive act and navigating the world will become much easier.

You already have strong self-awareness skills and are capable of observing how others perceive you. This, combined with a desire to change your behavior patterns, will serve you nicely.

Be well, sir.

As always, please send questions and comments to Ask Noah at

I hope everyone had a great Fourth of July!

Have a profitable and peaceful week, Noah This article was written by an independent contributor, separate from TheStreet's regular news coverage.
Noah Kass is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, relationship issues and work stressors. He has been Clinical Director at The Dunes: East Hampton and Realization Center in Union Square. Mr. Kass was a frequent guest on MSNBC's "The Dylan Ratigan Show," featured in a segment called "Kass' Couch" and regularly blogs for The Huffington Post.

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