Flying From the Nest: Ask Noah

NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- Q: I'm about to finish up my freshman year at New York University, while still living with my parents in my childhood home. They're very over protective and have insisted on me living with them. Clearly, I need to move into my own place now. How can I get them to understand that this change is for the best?

A: Let's begin with some fact-finding, so you can come to the discussion table well prepared.

1. Are they afraid you'll be in danger on your own?

2. Is this a money issue where they'll have to pay your rent?

3. Do they feel emotionally unready to let you go?

Enter the conversation having prepared very thoughtful and detailed responses to each of these potential reasons for their hesitation. Your approach should focus on alleviating your parents' anxiety about letting you go.

Try to paint a clear picture for them of what your daily life would look like. When a young adult leaves the nest, parents will often feel fearful and imagine the scariest realities with the worst possible outcomes. In order to ease your parent's fears, respect them by explaining yourself as the adult you are.

In having you in their home, they've always been somewhat aware of your daily activities. Take the time now to remind them that just because you're moving out of their house, does not mean you are moving out of their lives.

Bring to the conversation different plans to keep the family unit engaged. This could be planning weekly Sunday dinners or weekly phone calls at set times. Let your parents know that you're not going to suddenly be missing-in-action!

I'd also advise you to write a plan outlining where and whom you'll be living with. Ask them for their opinions on this plan, you might even find their wise advice to be helpful.

The more specific and realistic the plan, the more likely they are to believe you can execute it.

I agree that this is a very important and essential step towards adulthood. You don't want to become overly dependent on your parents and your desire to move out will force you to take ownership of your own choices.

No doubt you'll make mistakes, but they will be necessary ones. The family unit will adapt and come out stronger because of your courage.

Good luck with the conversation. Let me know how it goes and thanks for reaching out.

Questions and comments can be sent to ASK NOAH at nskass@gmail.com.

Have a profitable and peaceful week,

Noah

This article was written by an independent contributor, separate from TheStreet's regular news coverage.

Noah Kass is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, relationship issues and work stressors. He has been Clinical Director at The Dunes: East Hampton and Realization Center in Union Square. Mr. Kass was a frequent guest on MSNBC's "The Dylan Ratigan Show," featured in a segment called "Kass' Couch" and regularly blogs for The Huffington Post.

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