The first half of 2010 is officially in the books, so it's time to review those harebrained Wall Street antics with the answers to last week's The Five Dumbest Things Mid-Year Exam. Congratulations to Michael Patrick of Atlanta who won an autographed copy of Jim Cramer's Getting Back To Even. And now, the answers to the exam. 1. An outraged band of students from which university in April protested the selection of JPMorgan Chase ( JPM) CEO Jamie Dimon as commencement speaker: A. Cornell University B. Tufts University C. Huxley University (home of Dean Quincy Adams Wagstaff) D. Syracuse University Answer: D. A group of Syracuse students booed Jamie Dimon's graduation speech. Nobody told them he was the only CEO around hiring college grads. 2. According to Goldman Sachs ( GS) bond salesman Fabrice Tourre, in a 2007 email, who would by the "only potential survivor" if and when the mortgage market collapsed? A. The fabulous Fab B. The Fab Four C. The Fabulous Moolah D. The Fabulous Baker Boys Answer: A. "Fabulous" Fab Tourre was indeed left standing after the financial world collapsed -- right in front of a congressional hearing. 3. What did Continental Airlines ( CAL) CEO Jeffrey Smisek call US Airways ( LCC) in May after he announced Continental's merger with United Airlines ( UAUA)? A. The ugly duckling B. The black swan C. The ugly girl D. Ugly Betty Answer: C. Smisek wanted to be the "pretty" girl, not the "ugly" one. Turns out he was both. 4. When asked in May by Sen. Jim Bunning (R.,Ky.) how much U.S. taxpayers will ultimately have to shell out to keep Fannie Mae ( FNM) and Freddie Mac ( FRE) afloat, what was the reply of Federal Housing Finance Agency Acting Director Edward DeMarco? A. "millions and billions" B. "billions and trillions" C. "trillions and gazillions" D. "the actual cost I do not know" Answer: D. He may sound dumb, but at least DeMarco was being honest about how much money will be sunk into these two money pits.
5. What was CA Technologies ( CA) called before it changed its name (again) in May? A. CA, Inc. B. Computer Associates C. Computers "R" Us D. Wang and Kumar Go to White Castle Answer: A. Before it was CA Technologies, it was CA, Inc. Quite a stretch, don't you think? 6. Which of the following pharmaceutical companies was forced to recall its products this year after being busted for quality-control problems? A. Johnson & Johnson ( JNJ) B. Perrigo ( PRGO) C. Javelin Pharmaceuticals ( JAV) D. All of the above E. None of the above Answer: D. What is it with all the dirty pill plants all of a sudden? 7. What was the "hurtful and thoughtless comment" that BP ( JAV) CEO Tony Hayward made in May that caused him to apologize on the company's Facebook page? A. "Come on, you sniveling Yanks. It's just a little oil." B. "I'd like my yacht back." C. "I'd like my life back." D. "Take my wife please." Answer: C. Hayward was last seen at a yacht race, so unlike Gulf residents he got his wish. 8. Which bumbling telco giant acknowledged a security weak spot in June that exposed the emails of more than 100,000 Apple ( AAPL) iPad users then suffered a rash of technical errors during the iPhone 4 rollout the following week? A. Sprint ( S) B. Verizon ( VZ) C. Quest Communications ( Q) D. AT&T ( T) Answer: D. What would the Dumbest Lab do without AT&T? 9. Which mortgage giants announced in June that their shares will be delisted from the New York Stock Exchange ( NYX)? A. Farmer Mac and Ginnie Mae B. Farmer Brown and Fannie Farmer C. Mae West and Freddy Fender D. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac Answer: D. Fannie and Freddie are getting kicked out of their home on the NYSE. It would be poetic if it weren't so sad. 10. What did BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg call Gulf residents in June, further raising their ire at the oil company?
A. small people B. little people C. dwarves D. peasants Answer: A. Svanberg was aiming for sympathy, but instead he stepped on the "small people" he is trying to help. BONUS: BP said in June it was going to buy technology to clean the oil spill from which Hollywood actor? A. Kevin Costner B. Russell Crowe C. Kurt Russell D. James Cameron E. Kirk Cameron Answer: A. Waterworld was a bomb at the box office, but his oil-separating machine is supposedly da bomb for cleaning up the Gulf oil spill.