Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.

David Edmondson, CEO of RadioShack, resigned this week because he lied about attending Bible college. The company first suspected him when he hung a painting of the Eight Commandments.

Of all the things to lie about -- Bible college? If you're gonna lie, lie about something cool, like spy school. Or only eating at Subway to lose weight, when clearly it was surgery. I'm looking at you, Jared.

David Cole, a senior VP at MSA, took a leave of absence to explore "what the world has to offer." I did that in the middle of law school, David. I'll save a spot for you -- right here, outside Starbucks, begging for change.

In other executive developments, the chief marketing officer of American Eagle, resigned to "pursue new opportunities" -- like other places to exploit underage models. I don't know that there's exploitation, I'm just assuming, but he was last seen boarding a plane to Bangkok.

On the corporate front, Microsoft rivals filed suit against the company this week in Europe. Eyebrows were raised when the Seattle-based company annexed Czechoslovakia and threatened to invade Poland.

In a related joke, the German company, Henkel, has agreed to buy Right Guard from Procter & Gamble. This is an outrage!! How can we sell our Guard to an enemy!? How can we let control of our ports fall into their hands?! How can we... What? It's a different "guard," we haven't fought Germany for 50 years, and it's not ports, it's (arm) pits?

Oh well, I wrote this joke based upon the best intelligence I had at the time, and I will not apologize.

In another terrifying deal, Blackstone bought MeriStar's hotels. Blackstone and his nefarious henchmen, Wyndham and La Quinta, intend to take over the world's lodging! Only one man can stop them... A hero, armed with just his wits, wireless internet, and two (no, three) beautiful women. This summer, Jeff Kreisler stars in Hotels.com: Revenge of the $12 Peanuts!!

To watch Jeff Kreisler's video take of this column, click here .

Meanwhile, European authorities seized the server used by the file-swapping company eDonkey. They pinned the tail on that company! Better watch out for kickbacks! Boy, they sure made an ass out of eDonkey! Hold me.

PepsiCo is importing popular Mexican products like Mananita, an apple-flavored soda. Yiiick. Here's hoping for another Mexican treat, Pinata Bosses. You beat them with a stick until they release candy and sick days.

Ralph Lauren prevented the use of a polo player logo by an actual English polo club. That's like Nike not letting Halley's comet go "swoosh" or Donald Trump hoarding all bad wigs and trophy wives. Unfair!

Rest easy travelers. Even though the Russian airline Aeroflot will buy a new fleet of planes, its official drink will remain Stolichnaya.

The American Way

Back on the home front, Wal-Mart executives pledged to rebuild half its U.S. stores in order to install detention facilities where executives can feed directly on the blood of the working class. Wal-Mart's new motto: Shop here, work here, eat here, die here.

Just months after leaving bankruptcy protection, US Airways announced a fourth-quarter loss of $261 million. Look, US Air, the first step is admitting you have a problem. This is a safe place. Say it with me: "My name is US Air, and I'm a bankrupt-aholic." (Group response: "Hi US Air!")

Employees threatened to strike against Macy's flagship store in NYC. If their demands aren't met, they'll parade in front of the store carrying giant cartoon balloons every Thanksgiving. They're not kidding!

Electronic Arts will cut the price of its highly anticipated Godfather video game. Seems market conditions made EA an offer it couldn't refuse.

Moody's cut GM's debt rating again. But on the plus side, their mileage-to-debt rating ratio is on the rise!!

Finally, the FCC is again cracking down on broadcast indecency. Ah yes, focusing on insignificant issues best left to parents... It must be an election year.

To watch Jeff Kreisler's video take of this column, click here .

A graduate of Princeton, Virginia Law School, and the fictitious College of Asparagus Lovers, Jeff Kreisler (www.JeffKreisler.com) is an accomplished comedian, writer, producer and person. In the past year, Jeff has worked with Dick Gregory, on Air America and Sirius Radio, and in the 'Comedy Against Evil' tour. He's hosted a dating show, worked on a cooking program, and developed comedies for MTV Networks. Jeff's a regular on Satire for Sanity, and was featured at the Edinburgh Fringe, Freedom Cinema, and San Francisco Comedy Festivals. He lives in New York City with his pet microphone, plays blues saxophone, speaks French and Russian, was a sports broadcaster, taught English in Russia, helped start a non-profit dedicated to at-risk youth, played college football, and is available for birthdays, circumcisions and bachelorette parties. Kreisler appreciates your feedback; click here to send him an email.