) -- Do you shriek when a doctor pricks your finger for blood work, but swoon at the thought of Robert Pattinson draining your capillaries? Do you wish your home was a few stories higher just in case the dead come back to life?

No? Congratulations, you're the last normal human being on Earth among hordes of horror nerds and bloodthirsty romantics. In case you've been too busy playing with troll dolls and collecting angels to notice, vampires and zombies have been locked in a pop culture death match lately -- with corporations and Hollywood studios struggling to catch up. It's not just your brains and blood they want, but every dollar and waking minute you have left.

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"Vampires represent a kind of classic female nerd fantasy: Pale stranger walks into your world and takes you away from your apartment full of cat hair into a world of sexy darkness," says Jake Swearingen, author of

Diary of the Living Dead or: Are You There God? It's Me. Also, a Bunch of Zombies

and an editor at pop culture site Zimbio.com. "Zombies are a flip side of that for dudes: the zombie apocalypse takes you away from your job at


(GME) - Get Report

into a world of gun-toting alpha male."

In both cases, the nerds have gone all-in. Stephenie Meyer's


(Little, Brown Young Readers 2006) book series has sold more than 70 million copies worldwide. The movie adaptation from


(SNY) - Get Report

Summit Entertainment has raked in more than $380 million worldwide, adding $161 million in DVD sales.

The first season of HBO's decidedly less prudish

True Blood

, which earned three Emmy nominations for its portrayal of sultry Southern bloodsuckers, has sold 1.3 million copies on DVD and Blu-ray discs. The show has inspired a

blood-orange drink

, which leaves less of a smudge on Dracula's cape than the forthcoming

Twilight line of beauty products

launching just before the

New Moon

sequel opens in theaters in November. The CW hopes to squeeze a few dollars out of fang mania when it turns

The Vampire Diaries

into a show this month.

While zombies aren't as fashion conscious as vampires, they're surprisingly literate. Max Brooks'

World War Z,

a journal of a zombie apocalypse, went for readers' brains by combining Studs Terkel's

The Good War

with the George Romero films

Night of The Living Dead


Dawn of the Dead

before selling 600,000 copies.

The more lighthearted mashup of Jane Austen and the undead,

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

(Quirk Books 2009), has 750,000 copies in print and has inspired other monstrous remakes including

Mr. Darcy, Vampyre

(Sourcebooks Landmark 2009) and

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters

(Quirk Books 2009). Romero released his latest film

Diary of the Dead

in 2008 and the Norwegian Nazi zombie film

Dead Snow

and Woody Harrelson's comedy


will shuffle in this year.

"While there isn't a charisma or specific personality to latch onto, as there are in vampire films, it's not about that," says J. Cannibal, host of the bi-annual zombie film night "Feast of Flesh" in Brookline, Mass. "At root, what we love about zombies isn't so much the creatures themselves but the challenges they pose to our own existence"

Such is the case in video games, where exploding zombies oozing pus helped

Electronic Arts'


survival shooter sold nearly 3 million copies and followed in the lumbering footsteps of other zombie franchises like


Resident Evil


Dead Rising



House of the Dead

. However, it was the much less violent realization "zombies is dumb" that made

Plants vs. Zombies

PopCap Games'

fastest-selling game.

"There is no question that the popularity of the game hinges on zombies," says Garth Chouteau, vice president of public relations for PopCap Games. "If it was 'Plants vs. Aliens,' people may have played, but the zombies draw people into the game."

Much like their namesakes, the zombie and vampire genres have proven extremely tricky to kill. The taste of vampire blood has run hot and cold since the days of Bela Lugosi, tracing its pulse through TV offerings like

Dark Shadows


Buffy the Vampire Slayer

, and movies like the Corey-heavy

The Lost Boys.

The zombie march of Romero's films, the

Evil Dead

series and even comedies like

Dead Alive

were nearly decapitated by subpar schlock in the mid-80s before it was reanimated by fast-running zombie flicks like

28 Days Later

and comedies like

Shaun of the Dead.

"I think it helps that major-market zombie projects lately have veered toward comedy, like

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

, which makes the whole thing a lot more palatable for a lot of people," Swearingen says. "That said, I think a certain kind of exhaustion is settling in, with zombies becoming kind of a too-easy joke."

-- Reported by Jason Notte in Boston


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Jason Notte is a reporter for TheStreet.com. His writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Huffington Post, Esquire.com, Time Out New York, The Boston Herald, The Boston Phoenix, Metro newspaper and the Colorado Springs Independent.