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Americans are in the midst of a massive egg recall, so don’t feel bad if you missed these ridiculous ones.

If you’ve purchased one of these products, we feel doubly bad for you; you bought a ridiculous product and then that ridiculous product went and failed on you. Shucks. Next time, you might want to think twice before buying a foot tanner.

Tootsie Tanners

If you’re tanning your feet, chances are you’re such a tanorexic that you’re already at risk for melanoma. Nevertheless, the Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers that the Tootsie Tanner portable foot tanning device may put you at risk for an ultraviolet radiation overdose.

Mainly, the FDA takes issue with the product’s labeling, which recommends a duration of use that the government watchdog says is "improper." Also, the FDA notes that the timer on the device is inadequate and there are no prominent warnings about the need for consumers to wear protective eyewear. Staring at your feet may be an exhilarating activity, but at least wear some protective eyewear, people.

Unfortunately, consumers who actually bought the Tootsie Tanner won’t be able to get your money back since the company that made the product is out of business. The FDA simply recommends proper disposal of the device. Well, there’s $200 down the drain.

TimeOut Capsules

The poorly named TimeOut Capsules appear to be poorly made as well.

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The capsules are marketed as a dietary supplement for sexual enhancement, but the FDA is warning consumers that an ingredient in the supplement may cause dangerously low blood pressure.

TimeOut contains hydroxythiohomosildenafil, a chemical similar to one found in Viagra that can interact negatively with other prescription drugs such as nitrates.

Though this is not a recall, the FDA advises consumers who experience any negative medical side effects from the supplements to throw out the product and contact a health professional.

Un-Eviscerated Fish

Yeah, you heard that right. NY Fish Inc. is recalling NY Fish Brand (cold) Smoked Herring after it was discovered that the product may contain Clostridium botulinum spores, which can cause botulism.

The herring had not been eviscerated (i.e. disemboweled) prior to processing, a necessary production step since the FDA says un-eviscerated fish have been linked to past botulism outbreaks. Besides the risk of getting botulism, a fatal illness that causes blurred vision and respiratory paralysis, this recall has an added ick factor in that you probably just ate some fish poop if you mistakenly consumed the herring.

The recalled product is marked with lot number 401 and consumers should return the fish to the place of purchase and call the company with any further questions at  (718) 342-4100.

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