Costume Ideas for Wall Street Types

Here's how to make a true statement at the party.

Author:
Eric Reed
Publish date:
Oct 30, 2013 10:30 AM EDT

Here's how to make a true statement at the party.

NEW YORK (MainStreet) — After the last few weeks, most Americans have seen how economics can get remarkably frightening all over again. Fortunately, while our political crisis was in all other ways a complete fiasco, there's a silver lining to this cloud: Washington's timing could not have been better. Halloween's just around the corner. Now's the time for us to embrace all scary things. When better to honor every variation of busted bankers, crooked politicians and bizarre memes from the last few weeks than by dressing up as one of them for Halloween? Sure your friends might not get it, but it can take the edge off the worst of the headlines. In honor of the holiday, here are ten costume ideas from us here at MainStreet.

Line your pockets with I.O.U.'s, show up in your mom's suburban and congratulations, you're a recent grad! Show up wearing nothing that can't be found at the Salvation Army and drink whatever comes for free. After all, at the bottom of a mountain of debt, can anyone really afford to be picky about drink choices? One exception to the dress code: bright green aprons are allowed. Button the ensemble with some sheepskin and a backpack full of rejected cover letters to make it all extra tragic. For a couple's costume, have your friend throw on a suit, rub some grey in his hair and spend the night lecturing trick-or-treaters on their sense of entitlement.

If there's anyone who has come to symbolize the recent recession, it's the late night gold brokers. It's become seemingly impossible to watch more than 11 minutes of TV after midnight without seeing one of their advertisements. Don't be left out of what appears to be a very bizarre national movement. A tight T-shirt, some sunglasses and absolutely, wildly unnecessary amounts of bling are all you'll need to sell the disguise. Drape yourself in fake gold chains, rings, any kind of jewelry as long as it's yellow. Whenever possible make it clear that it's not Cash For Gold -- it's Cash 4 Gold. It's the number that really sells it.

Timely enough to catch everyone's attention as long as you very specifically explain the costume. Wear a solid cardboard sheet around your shoulders to represent the ceiling, and make sure to label it "$17 Trillion." Decorate your T-shirt as a ledger sheet, with a bright, red arrow climbing up and up and up. No one knows what will happen if it gets to shoulder height, and let's hope we never have to find out... Add a few maxed out credit cards to complete the ensemble. You could even try threatening untold calamity if the local bartender doesn't run you a tab, although we here at MainStreet take no responsibility for what happens next. Still, the drama should more than make up for having shown up to the bar dressed as an abstract political concept.

Watch the fight. Tell people who's winning in exchange for drinks.

Many of us sadly remember Lehman Brothers. Absolutely nobody thought that Lehman could collapse, until of course it actually did. The end of that bank was the beginning of the Great We're-Not-Allowed-To-Call-It-A-Depression, and today this firm is well and truly dead. Of course, that's never stopped anyone from attending a Halloween party before! With a disposable suit (again, a thrift store may be your friend) and some good zombie makeup you'll be ready to go. Stuff your pockets with "cash" and try to move some sub-prime mortgages, and zombie Lehman will be back on the town.

It's a government employee, only slightly poorer. Any other time I would suggest showing up in a business suit, half drunk with a bottle in hand for the employee with too much time off, but this is Halloween. Instead it's time to pull the ripcord: sexy furloughed employee. It's a business suit, except sexy. If sexy pizzas, sexy smurfs and sexy oompa loompas exist, I'm sure this can too. My work here is done.

Unsurprisingly, the Monopoly Man costume (or Uncle Pennybags as he's actually called) is an absolutely real thing. For those who click through the link, I recommend ditching the incredibly creepy serial killer-style mask and just throwing on a fake mustache and monocle. If you show up in that mask, people may very likely call the cops. I wouldn't blame them. This costume may have gone stale since he was created back in the 1930s, but these days the icon of the One Percent is very much back in style. Throw on a button announcing "I Am the 1%," make sure to pack your golden parachute and Rich Uncle Pennybags will be updated for the new millennium.

This one's a couple's costume. For the girl, anything youthful and borderline-scandalous will do. For the guy, dress for success. A flashy suit with no tie while twirling a set of keys that ostentatiously say "Porsche" on a black, leather fob should tie the outfit together nicely. Try Touch of Gray to get a bit of a distinguished look. Once you're dressed, it's all about selling the act. Guys, buy drinks for your girl all night long. Food too. In fact, pretty much anything she asks of you. Girls, flirt shamelessly with your benefactor and make sure to lavish him with both attention and praise. Both of you must insist that sex has absolutely nothing to do with it, but... well. There's a reason this is a couple's costume.

Don't show up. It would still better than the time I went to a party as "jetlagged." --Written for MainStreet by Eric Reed, a freelance journalist who writes frequently on the subjects of career and travel. You can read more of his work at his website www.wanderinglawyer.com.

Trick-or-Treat With Smart Sass

NEW YORK (MainStreet) — After the last few weeks, most Americans have seen how economics can get remarkably frightening all over again. Fortunately, while our political crisis was in all other ways a complete fiasco, there's a silver lining to this cloud: Washington's timing could not have been better. Halloween's just around the corner. Now's the time for us to embrace all scary things. When better to honor every variation of busted bankers, crooked politicians and bizarre memes from the last few weeks than by dressing up as one of them for Halloween? Sure your friends might not get it, but it can take the edge off the worst of the headlines. In honor of the holiday, here are ten costume ideas from us here at MainStreet.

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