Airlines, looking to make up for the fact that a recession-worn public is less likely to take flight, have implemented a number of annoying fees to boost their revenues. And it’s working!

According to USA Today, in the first half of this year airlines collected $3.8 billion for doing such extraordinary things as checking bags, rebooking flights, cancelling flights, allowing pets, and assigning seats.

This would be like McDonald’s (Stock Quote: MCD) charging for salt, but so far travelers seem to be tolerating the new fees.

We have some other ideas for things airlines can charge for: restroom usage (this is already under serious consideration), napkins… maybe oxygen? Wait! We know! In the event of a water landing they should charge $50 for life jackets, and then a $125 reseating fee upon boarding the life raft. That’s if you survive. If you die, there will be a $200 cancellation fee automatically charged to the credit card you used to purchase your ticket.  Should they retrieve your corpse, they will of course weigh it, and charge your next of kin standard baggage rates. $5 per pound, including the weight of the casket.

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