Wall Street Wins Every Election: Opinion

Well, here we are on the eve of another U.S. election, with U.S. voters faced with a "plethora" of choices. Do they vote for the red banker-servants or the blue banker-servants? Some may argue that the American people deserve another option -- a "third party," so to speak.

Defenders of the status quo (most of whom reside on Wall Street) will argue that there's absolutely no need to start confusing American voters by offering them the option of a candidate who

doesn't

serve bankers. What would such "radicals" do if they ever got elected? Would they seek to ruin the "Goldilocks economy," created by Ben Bernanke, Tim Geithner and the Red and Blue state politicians who appointed them?

Fortunately, Americans won't be forced to

think

about who to vote for -- in this or any other election. With typical American ingenuity, the U.S. political system compensates for not giving American voters any choice, by letting them choose twice as often as in all those other "lesser democracies."

American politics can be thought of as a tennis match. First, George Bush Jr. graciously serves up an election victory to the Democrats, and now Barack Obama politely volleys a win back to the Republicans. Oh sure, the votes haven't been counted yet -- in fact they haven't even been cast -- but we already know who is going to win.

It will be the same party that always wins U.S. elections: the one that receives the most "donations" from corporate America, in general, and Wall Street in particular. We can say a lot of nasty things about Wall Street bankers, but one thing we must give them credit for is that they sure know how to bribe their politicians. Very rarely will they waste their politician-buying dollars by giving the biggest "cut" of their bribes to a mere runner-up.

This is why the U.S. media spends almost as much time talking about which party has netted the largest amount of corporate donationas as it does in talking about those other ... things. What are they called again? Oh yeah - "issues." Indeed, with both parties talking about "the need to cut the deficit," a good place to start would be to eliminate all of this unnecessary (and expensive) "voting."

The U.S. media (that trusted defender of the interests of the American people) can record how much money each party raises in "campaign contributions" - and then allow the two parties to buy-up their allotted share of political seats, proportionately. There's very little likelihood of the American voter noticing any difference in this more "streamlined" process, while being saved the wearying task of pressing a button to vote.

Having dealt with the U.S.' redundant political process, I can now get to the only thing that really matters to Americans: what will Republicans do with their power? The answer is: take care of "unfinished business". After those eight short years of the Bush regime, there was still one group of middle-class Americans who had

not

been robbed of their prosperity by the Republicans: government workers.

Do you know that many U.S. government workers are so overpaid that

one worker

takes home enough money to support

an entire family

- just like their parents, or (in the case of younger workers) their grandparents? And as any U.S. senior citizen can tell you (who all vote "Republican"), those previous generations of Americans were grossly overpaid.

But no more! By the time this latest, greatest generation of Republicans is finished, public sector workers will be just as impoverished as their private-sector counterparts. Many of these workers will be "freed" of their government employment - and able to move on to glorious careers as Wal-Mart "greeters" (at one-third the pay). Those who remain will see their wages and benefits slashed and their job security ended: the same "formula" that made the private sector such a roaring "success" during the Bush years. Talk about "stimulating the economy"!

What else can Americans count on in the brave, new world offered to them by Republicans? Why, tax cuts, of course. Forget about the fact that the debts and liabilities already accumulated by the U.S. exceed the total debts and liabilities of the other 95% of the world, combined. Forget about the fact that even if every penny of government spending was eliminated except for Medicare and Social Security that the U.S. government

still

couldn't balance the budget with the

current

tax rates. As any good Republican will tell you: All economic problems can be solved with tax cuts.

Just think about how all the poor, unemployed Americans - with their fat, $0/year salaries - will be dancing in the streets when they here about more Republican tax-cuts. I can already imagine the conversations around American dinner-tables.

"What's for dinner tonight, dear?"

"Tax cuts."

"But we had tax cuts for dinner

last night

!"

"Yes, dear. And thanks to the Republicans, we'll be having tax-cuts for dinner

every night

."

As more Republican tax cuts result in the same "economic miracle" that was achieved with the legendary Bush tax cuts, undoubtedly the Republicans will be able to eliminate more "extravagant" government spending, on luxuries like unemployment insurance, welfare, and food stamps.

Any good Republican can tell you that all that "social programs" do is make the people fat and lazy. Just look at all the fat-cats who currently leisurely waste all of their days in America's countless tent cities.

These layabouts never work a day, while getting all of the "fresh air" that anyone could want - for free. Meanwhile, underappreciated Wall Street bankers slave-away for their meager six-figure salaries, and seven-figure annual "bonuses" -- except for their bosses, who slave-away for their seven-figure salaries and eight-figure "bonuses". Is there no justice in the world?

And speaking of "justice," what about the Wall Street "foreclosure mills" that are causing the Obama regime such extreme consternation that it has absolutely no opinion whatsoever about them? The Republicans will "fix" this mess, too.

By getting rid of even

more

troublesome "laws" and "regulations" -- and handing out a set of heavy-duty rubber-stamps for U.S. judges, the Republican plan is to put all this "unpleasantness" behind Americans as soon as possible. After all, the sooner that Wall Street is allowed to finish

stealing

millions of homes from their rightful owners, the sooner those Americans can try to scrape together enough money to

buy

their homes back from the bankers.

It's nothing more than the Republican "Circle of Life."

At this point, I'm sure my precious metals readers are quivering in their boots. With the economic nirvana which Republicans are about to usher in for the world's largest economy -- along with the undoubted resurgence of the "strong U.S. dollar" -- who would possibly want to hang onto that "barbarous relic": gold?

The answer to that question is only about 3 billion Asians (and dozens of central banks). But apart from that paltry group, who is going to prop up the gold market as the "U.S. economic recovery" recovers - thanks to stalwart Republican leadership? It could all be up to us poor, deluded gold bugs to "hold the fort," for as long as this Republican economic nirvana lasts ... probably until some time around mid-November.

This commentary comes from an independent investor or market observer as part of TheStreet guest contributor program. The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of TheStreet or its management.