We are sitting here hoping for a rumor, some sort of lie spread by a short-seller, that would knock down this market so we can buy stock. We keep thinking that someone will get nervous ahead of the three-day weekend and allow us to increase our

Microsoft

(MSFT) - Get Report

or

Dell

(DELL) - Get Report

or

Intel

(INTC) - Get Report

positions.

When you want that kind of selloff, you tend not to get it.

So many hedge funds are positioned so lean, with so little on the sheets, that they probably won't be able to get in. We thought there might be a lunch crunch, which would allow us to get some stock, but the only thing we were able to buy was 5,000 shares of

Procter & Gamble

(PG) - Get Report

.

We had to pay up huge for an initial position in

American Express

(AXP) - Get Report

, with the idea that it would come down, but it's still above what we paid.

So we wait.

Unrequited.

Random musings:

Is

3Com

(COMS)

in play? There, I did it. I played the game the way the scummers play. Now excuse me while I go take a shower.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund was long American Express, Dell, Intel, Microsoft and Procter & Gamble. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.