They're Not All Internet Stocks

They might strike an Internet pose, but Borders and Disney are just plain old bricks and mortar.
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Nothing worse than a bricks-and-mortar Internet poser! We've got two of them today, which is two too many. First there is this hapless

Borders Group

(BGP)

. I mean,

Amazon's

(AMZN) - Get Report

a battleground. Borders? The war is over already, and it has lost.

One of my best salespeople pushed me hard on Borders yesterday, wanted me to buy it ahead of a roadshow. If I could throw him into that Amazon checkout cart, the way

Brett Favre

gets tossed with

Troy Aikman

into a shopping cart on those

NFL

spots, I would. Amazon is a culture, not a store. Borders is a store, not a culture. That can't be changed. (That said, I covered my Amazon paper trade at 128. Good trade; no money made.) You can't make a sow's ear into a Net stock.

Disney

(DIS) - Get Report

shows what happens when non-Net analysts catch the bug. Where are all of those analysts who loved Disney because of

Go.com

? What happened to those guys? You know, the guys who told us not to worry about earnings because Disney is a portal. Portal to nowhere. Now we discover that the numbers matter after all, that Disney is

not enough of a net play

to do the job. In the end, the quarter was crummy and the stock goes down. Kind of like other non-Net stocks.

As repulsive as the press release to stock price ratio may be, it is even more retro when people try to tell us that non-Net stocks are Net stocks until the screw up. Then they are just plain old bricks and mortar.

It's tough enough valuing these Net hogs. We don't need the pseudo-hogs lumped in. Give me a break.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At the time of publication, his fund held no positions in the companies discussed in this column, though positions can change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column by sending an email to letters@thestreet.com.