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The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

UBS sends AMD on trip; PurchasePro goes to great lengths; Citigroup rocks, and deducts; Nortel givebacks; Eidos comes clean.

Sensitive System
UBS trips, and AMD gets a round trip

1. Advanced Micro Gets Micromanaged

In this week's Unfortunate Timing competition, UBS analyst Tom Thornhill is the undisputed champion.

On Monday, Thornhill decided that the recent decline in the stock of chipmaker Advanced Micro Devices (AMD) had landed AMD in the realm of a fair valuation, near his $20 price target.

So Thornhill upgraded the stock from a reduce rating to a neutral. Of course, he pointed out that any significant drop in AMD's flash memory revenue wouldn't be good for the stock.

How right he was.

Later that day, AMD announced that flash memory sales, previously forecast to be flat at worst, were now expected to drop in the fourth quarter, resulting in an operating loss.

AMD shares got hammered Tuesday, plummeting 26% to $14.83. And on Tuesday -- one day after raising his AMD rating from reduce to neutral -- Thornhill cut the rating from neutral to reduce. He cut his price target as well, from $20 to $12.

Asked about the round-trip rating changes, Thornhill acknowledges his "unfortunate timing," but he says the reversal was a byproduct of UBS' proprietary system for managing stock ratings.

If a UBS analyst has a reduce rating on a stock, Thornhill explains, and the stock's price dips below the analyst's target price, the system flags the stock for a rating change. If you don't change the rating, he says, the system will suspend coverage on the stock.

So after AMD started closing below Thornhill's $20 price target last week, the analyst says he had a limited amount of time to change the stock's rating -- which he had to change again after AMD's preannouncement.

To the system's credit, Thornhill says, it encourages a constant review of stocks and a heightened sensitivity to valuation and return.

But given the volatility of the semiconductor stocks he follows, "trying to maintain the discipline of the system can be challenging," Thornhill says.

"I wish the system allowed me a little more latitude," he says. "Occasionally with volatile stocks like AMD, you get tripped up like this."

2. PurchasePro Files in Courage

You think crime doesn't pay? Maybe it just doesn't pay enough for all the hard work that goes into it.

That's what we decided this week after reading the

Securities and Exchange Commission's

civil complaint against five former executives at America Online, now part of

Time Warner


, and defunct business-to-business software company


Hard Work
The SEC's challenging charges

The SEC says the executives, among other misdeeds, conspired to artificially inflate the revenues of PurchasePro in 2000 and 2001, and to otherwise misrepresent its business activities.

Though the result may be simple -- a few extra million dollars in sales over two quarters -- the actual process is pretty complicated, the SEC suggests. Pulling off a fraud, according to the SEC's allegations, required a lot of work that might never occur to someone who hasn't thought clearly about how to pull off a fraud.

To give you an idea of the challenges involved, let's look at a few of the alleged elements of the alleged fraud: Someone had to take a document called a "Statement of Work," take another piece of correspondence previously signed by an AOL employee, then cut the signature out of the one document and paste it onto the other. Someone had to write the letters "SVP" under the pasted signature. Someone had to copy and recopy the document to hide the forgery. Someone had to give scripted, misleading answers to PurchasePro's auditors on a conference call.

To recognize revenue in a certain quarter from another deal, someone had to change the date on a fax machine.

And in an effort to avoid detection of one suspect deal, someone had to shred a bunch of documents, burn the shreds and then rake the ashes into his back yard.

After reading all of these allegations, we're left with one burning question: At what point would it have just been easier for PurchasePro to sell stuff rather than fake it?

Behind the Music
That free iPod could cost big bucks

3. Hot Child in the Citigroup

It's so cool, we think, when the people at financial giant



reach out to the Youth Market.

Until we realize that the reason Citigroup is reaching out is to get a firmer grip on the Youth Market's wallet.

We call your attention to the huge promotional offer from Citibank inviting people to get a free Apple (AAPL) iPod portable music player by opening up a Citibank account.

"Citibank Online rocks!" reads Citibank's online offer. "Get your money rockin' n rollin' with a Citibank EZ Checking account today."

Sounds awesome to us! Except of course, for the fine print in the ad, which explains that if we don't abide by the conditions of the agreement -- which involve paying at least two bills online a month for 12 months in a row -- Citibank is free to deduct $249.95 "from any account you may have with Citibank and any of its affiliates without first trying to obtain payment through any other means."

Harsh! You know, dude, maybe we'll just settle for a toaster.

4. Nortel Me Something Good

But Wall Street wasn't completely harsh this week, thanks to

Nortel Networks



After several false starts, the Canadian telecom gearmaker released on Tuesday its long-awaited restated results for 2003. As expected, a report accompanying the restatements indicated there was a certain hanky-panky element to the company's original numbers -- inflated numbers that resulted in bonuses all around.

Back to the Coffers
Nortel's bonuses in reverse

Not quite so expected, however, was other news. "As a matter of corporate leadership and integrity," says Nortel, 12 senior Nortel executives have volunteered to repay to Nortel the 2003 bonuses they received arising from the misstated numbers. The dozen -- none of whom was linked to the inappropriate accounting practices detailed by Nortel on Tuesday -- will return a total of $8.6 million to the company's coffers over the next three years, says Nortel.

That's sweet, we must say. Once the execs deposit the money back with Nortel, we say give each of them an iPod.

5. Caught With Their Pence Down

Over in London, they're concerned about sudden movements in share prices. But over here, we're worried about the slow ones.

Specifically, we're referring to video game developer Eidosundefined, which last Friday issued a press release announcing it knew of no particular reason that would justify the recent jump in the company's share price.

We understand why the company's board made the announcement. Eidos -- the company behind Lara Croft and

Tomb Raider

-- previously announced it is seeking a potential buyer. And U.K. rules dictate that Eidos make such an explanatory statement each time its stock makes a noticeable jump.

But let's put the recent movement in perspective. On the day that Eidos issued its press release, shares closed in London at 84.92 pence. Shares had risen 12.92 pence, or 18%, in merely six days.

On the other hand, the stock wasn't exactly in crazy territory, having traded in the 85-pence range in late November.

And before the company's shares tanked in May, Eidos traded as high as 186 pence. (U.S. shares have tracked the U.K. shares by falling from $3.40 to $1.30.)

So investors may be curious about why Eidos' shares jumped 18% in the last fortnight. We, however, would be a lot more interested in the company's excuses as to why the stock dropped 60% over the past year.

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