Remember how shattered people felt about

MicroStrategy

(MSTR) - Get Report

? OK, now hit up

Legato

(LGTO)

and

Parametric

(PMTC)

.

These are painful events. People own these stocks. They represent plays on storage and the Net. They are good news only for

EMC

(EMC)

, which a number of numbskulls told me was going to buy Legato.

Hah! Take that, you rumormongers. Worse luck next time. We wash our car with an EMC sponge by the way. Which is like our

Cisco

(CSCO) - Get Report

pajamas.

What does the average Legato guy do? Maybe he takes a hard look at

P&G

(PG) - Get Report

. He says: It already blew up; its management is heavily motivated to get the stock back up (got that from reading today's "Heard on the Street" column) and its risk profile has been "readjusted" by bad news.

I know, Crest doesn't have the pizazz of WindChill or GEMS SmartMedia, to name two products I wish I had never heard about from Parametric and Legato, respectively. But on days like today, I have a pizazz overload.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund was long Procter & Gamble, EMC and Cisco. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.