Shoot Me Now

What happens when Cramer's T-1 umbilical cord is cut.
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For the last two days, my Internet service provider has been down. Don't come near me. I am completely miserable because of it. I am sending this piece via my home ISP and I have jerry-rigged my laptop on top of my desktop with wires everywhere so at least I can get some of my email.

I want to murder somebody. If the ISP guy were here right now, I am entirely confident that if something bad were to happen to him, I would be acquitted for justifiable homicide.

Why am I venting? Because this is the schizophrenic nature of the Net writ large. The only reason I need a phone is to harass my ISP guy! I hate the phone. I love email. I love surfing. I love ordering. I love bidding. I love everything about the Net. And if you take my Net away, you will have to peel my cold dead hands off ... or whatever else that

NRA

line was.

That's the dichotomy isn't it? I don't think

Amazon

(AMZN) - Get Report

belongs up here, but I am long it because it has become a part of my life. (And I don't buy that recession thing, because if Amazon becomes the retail portal, people will go no matter what.)

Yahoo!

(YHOO)

? Take it away and a routine that I love, even though it is only two years old, would be destroyed. Should it be at $254? I don't know, but I am hooked and I have to tell you that I am miserable without my.yahoo.com.

Why don't I just switch my ISP? Because I have my mail server and my T-1 through it as well as my Net address. It would be easier for me to leave the country than to switch ISPs.

Now I know what Bob Pittman is talking about when he buzzes about the "persistent" client. Guess that makes me the crazed persistent client.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-chairman of TheStreet.com. At the time of publication, the fund was long AOL, Yahoo and Amazon.com, although positions can change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column by sending a letter to TheStreet.com at letters@thestreet.com.