Is there any moment more stupefying in a day when you go from wishing you were outright short the market to trying furiously to get long enough?

Yesterday had that peculiar tension. Even as they were whooshing the

Nasdaq

down, you could tell that the

Microsofts

(MSFT) - Get Report

and

Ciscos

(CSCO) - Get Report

and

Intels

(INTC) - Get Report

were gaining adherents.

But who the heck wants to plunk down the bank on this

Fed

, which is obviously hostile to higher Nasdaq prices? Who wants to make a bet that the prime rate goes up so we should go buy the stocks of all of the borrowers? And how did we know when the Saylor factor (oh, for those of you who don't watch TV or read the newspapers, Michael Saylor is the guy at

MicroStrategy

(MSTR) - Get Report

who now thinks

Forbes

, the

SEC

,

The New York Times

and his investors are wrong about the accounting he uses at his toy company and his bookkeeping work is a-OK in his eyes still!) would be priced in?

Over a crummy Cabernet and a wilted salad that this diet of mine brings me, I talked about the market with the hobbled Trading Goddess, who can always tell when I am completely agitated. "Oh, so now you are a market timer?" she says, as if one day, in her eyes, I will do something intelligent with the stock market. "Why can't you just buy the great stocks and hunker down? Forget about the Fed. Forget about the noise."

To which I said, "I am a hedge fund manager, the Fed doesn't want the stock market higher and I don't want to be big in the market on one of the days that the Fed could make its anger known."

To which she said "Has the Fed affected Intel's stock one whit? Cisco's? Come on. Do you like your stocks or not? You like them when they are high but not when they are low? You like them when everyone is happy but not when everyone is afraid?"

Hmmm,

Karen "Matt Jacobs" Cramer

.

To which I said, "OK, I am an idiot."

And we finished dinner quietly.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund was long Microsoft, Cisco Systems, and Intel. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.