Matt Jacobs

: Eat my dust! Yep, today I have vaulted past my lagging junior associate with my

B2B portfolio, which has now jumped 42% in four weeks. Matt "Piker" Jacobs lags with a 35% return.

And whom do I have to thank for my lapping of the man once known as "B2B" Jacobs?

Join the discussion on

Cramer's Latest, go to the

Red Hots Forum

, or visit our

B2B Forum

.

Commerce One

(CMRC)

, of course. Its 181% gain, coupled with the short squeeze in

Retek

(RETK)

, which has moved that sucker up 111%, and the 101% rally in

Ariba

(ARBA)

(which I am long), pretty much sums up why I am B2B King in our office. That sure beats guessing who is going to win the

Federal Express/USF&G/3Com

Kumquat Bowl!

Speaking of ridiculous outsize returns, how about those

Red Hots, which today went over the 100% return mark from when Matt Jacobs created that index. Now, there's a smart return, and it was done

without

Commerce One and

with

the dreaded

Copper Mountain

(CMTN)

and

Extreme Networks

(EXTR) - Get Report

, both of which committed the unfathomable sin of being

down

!

Oh yeah, I have received some email this morning warning me that my incessant chatter about these stocks will lead to no good. For those of you who feel that way, here is my stone-cold list of stocks that you wish I would highlight:

Philip Morris

(MO) - Get Report

,

Dial

(DL) - Get Report

,

Bestfoods

(BFO) - Get Report

,

Hershey Foods

(HSY) - Get Report

,

Bristol-Myers

(BMY) - Get Report

,

Schering-Plough

(SGP)

,

Glaxo Wellcome

(GLX)

,

Bank One

(ONE) - Get Report

,

Bank of America

(BAC) - Get Report

,

US Airways Group

(U) - Get Report

and

Reebok

(RBK)

.

Ahhh, do you feel better now? More reassured? More grounded? More diversified? Good for you. Give me Commerce One -- any day.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund was long Ariba. Cramer's fund also may be long or short certain stocks in his B2B rotisserie league or Red Hot index. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.