I'm going up to Eastern Mountain Sports and getting me a machete to cut through the gloom that surrounds the Street right now. In my morning calls, all I am hearing is that you can't trust the futures, that the market will give it up as surely as October follows September.
I just hope a machete will do the trick. Might have to stop in at
and buy a blowtorch. (Does it sell blowtorches? Is that stock worth buying, ever?)
The advance/decline line, the financials, the retailers, the airlines -- they fit like a dark shroud over the heads of all who labor on Wall Street. We are all so afraid to be long anything for fear that we will be in the next preannouncement.
I say, lighten up. Things just aren't that bad. The bonds are probably a buy. The underwriting calendar, which normally would be weighing heavily on the market, can't even make an impact. The money keeps pouring in.
I am taking off later today for London to meet with companies and talk at the
Goldman Sachs International Tech
conference. I normally hate stepping away, but things are so darn gloomy here I long for the break.
They simply can't be as bearish over there. It will be a pleasure. Get myself some new shirts and ties for the TV show while I am at it.
And maybe find some new stocks to buy. That's what I really want.
When will fellow Philadelphian
step into the ring with
and go a couple of rounds. Enough teasing. Get this match on the card already. I can't ref. I like both guys too much to let anybody lose.
James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund had no positions in any stocks mentioned. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at