And you thought those growth funds would just roll over and die? You thought the funds in the Investor's Business Daily Index wouldn't do anything necessary to preserve their quarters? Then you don't know the mutual fund business as well as you thought.

This week marks the end of a quarter, a quarter where unless you were in the

Red Hots, you don't have much to write home about. That won't sit well with the marketers. They are anxious to get their people on TV and in the magazines.

It doesn't sit well with the managers, either. They know the drill. Make it happen in 72 hours. Get long the hot ones. Move everything else up. Get the shorts to cover.

And you thought it would be different this time? You just don't know how high the stakes are in this game. Weak dollars, sloppy bonds, who cares? These third-quarter numbers aren't good enough. They have to make better ones.

Random musings:

Ouch -- not having a personal account cost me some valuable information.

Schwab

(SCH)

has a much-loved ATM card that dozens of people emailed me about. I wrote about this in the

"Who Will Win the Cyberrace?" piece yesterday. Maybe Schwab has the edge after all.

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund was long Conexant, VeriSign, JDS Uniphase and Redback. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.