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I Don't Want Any Trouble

But some people do want the Fed to solve all their problems, regardless of the nature.

Searching for Randle Patrick McMurphy

JACKSON HOLE, Wyo. -- Who opened the damn door?

Who let these



With a Capital T

I got trouble.

I have problems.

One of them is that

Sandra Bullock

lives thisclose when she's in Jackson.

And yet she will not look twice at me.

Wine. Particularly red. From California.

That's another one of my problems.

I cannot find a 1994


cabernet anywhere.

Add to that blackjack -- sometimes I actually lose money playing cards -- and movies -- I don't want that

South Park

crap warping my nephew -- and


-- why won't she grab her wife by the neck and just go away already?

And throw in

Marilyn Manson

albums, too.

Relationships. Alcohol. Gambling. The First Amendment. Carpetbaggers.

And the pug that poops just two doors down encouraging me, through secret nighttime barks, to strap on a rifle and climb the bell tower.

I got problems. Real ones.

And I want the


to solve every one of them.

Do Me a Favor. Close the Door.

The "poor sods" and "working families" unable to qualify for mortgages haven't proven unsuccessful owing to any kind of an interest-rate problem. Mortgage rates averaged 6.94% last year.

Not since the



tracking them in 1972 have they stood so low.

It is hardly surprising, then, especially considering that real wage growth increased more during 1997 and 1998 than it has during any two-year period since 1971-72, that housing

affordability proved kinder in 1998 than it has during any year since 1973.

The Fed's job, meantime, is to strike the best possible balance between growth and prices.

The economy grew faster during 1997 and 1998 than it did during any two-year period since 1983-1984. The unemployment rate is now at its lowest level since the early 1970s (and still falling); core consumer prices are rising at their slowest rate since the late 1960s.

And so now you tell me.

How the ^$!% is it that central-bank action to preserve those gains -- and to collect more -- amounts to "knocking down the secretaries and nurses out there"?

It is nothing shy of fascinating that some people continue to demand monetary-policy solutions for fiscal-policy problems.

They ought to quit it already.

They ought to pipe down and go run for



That way, instead of earning a living by bitching and whining about problems that really have nothing to do with the monetary authority, they can actually do something about them.

Side Dish

And yes. I know the answer.

What is Greenspan drinking?

Sierra Nevada.

Bourbon (neat).


Moose Juice Stout.

He prefers to smoke.