You gotta love an index that opens up 5%. Eureka, we have finally found an index that captures what's going through our cortex and our spine -- and our spleen, for that matter -- the

Red Hot index.

Doesn't the

S&P 500

remind you of the running game, and the

Dow

the kicking game, compared to the Red Hot index's air game? (The

Sid Luckman

Memorial index?)

The unfortunate thing about the Red Hot index, of course, is that it's a retail index. Here we are trying to take 5,000 shares of Hy Lit -- oh, excuse me, not everyone is from Philadelphia --

Harmonic

(HLIT) - Get Report

, and the market makers would rather tie their necks to the No. 4 subway line than sell us 2,500 shares.

Meanwhile,

Berko

keeps saying, "What happens when they get back next week? They are going to take 'em up huge."

To which I say, That's why we have

upside insurance, and that's why we are still buying today.

Random musings:

Bears, please create some more short

Nortel

(NT)

for me! (LOL!)

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund was long Harmonic and Nortel. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.