One of the many frustrating things about sitting there, on the set, under the lights, with an earplug stuck in my ear, camera's all around me and
to my right is that a little voice in my ear always says -- precisely at the wrong time: "No more comments. Time to move on." And that voice, from producer
occurs right after Cramer says something outlandish and I'm about to respond. (Maybe it would be the
way around if I had been co-founder. No? No! You've gotta know Schreier to understand why.)
Anyway, so we were talking about the market (as if there's anything else to talk about?) and I had just said how getting in front of this market is stupid because it's like standing in front of a speeding locomotive. Cramer shoots back something like, "Why talk about standing in front when you can be getting on board?"
Getting on board?
Getting on board?!
That's tantamount to telling investors that they had better hop on before the train leaves the station without them. What I wanted to ask Cramer was how do they know
to climb aboard? How do they know
to get off? How do they know
stocks to buy? You just can't go out and tell people to hop on board unless they're going to buy an index and unless they realize that when and if the market collapses, so will their precious little index.
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Cramer trades all day long. The average person sitting home watching the show doesn't. He makes it look easy. But you'll note he only has half a head of hair. (Not mocking him here, just stating the obvious.) I'm convinced that's not genetic. He lives in the ultimate pressure cooker. His world of hopping on board, on
going with the mo,
is based on experience, instinct and consulting with a roomful of traders, analysts -- not to mention
And while we're on the topic of what Schreier is whispering in our ears, I also would have loved to have gotten a word in when our guest,
, was talking about why he'd buy more
. (Luskin, who runs
, is the real deal; used to be vice chairman of
Barclays Global Investors
, which operates the world's largest institutional index funds. He flew out from San Francisco -- lucky guy! -- just for the show.) Cramer took the first shot, going on and on -- about how he had just sold it. Then Schreier said, "No more questions." That was that.
So much for my plan to ask Luskin about what I had read last week in an
. Citing research by the
, Moritz wrote that in three years, Qualcomm's CDMA technology will be lucky if it captures even 15% of the market. He also noted that there's a possibility there won't even be a true global standard for cellular for another 10 years. A mere 15%! No global standard for 10 years?! Why would he buy the stock here with those clouds hanging over its head? Beats me. Guess I'll have to ask him myself next week and include it in a column. Yeah, watch: instead of Schreier I'll hear from my editor, "No space!"
(Just a joke! That's why I left newspapers for the Internet.)
Herb Greenberg writes daily for TheStreet.com. In keeping with TSC's editorial policy, he doesn't own or short individual stocks, though he owns stock in TheStreet.com. He also doesn't invest in hedge funds or other private investment partnerships. He welcomes your feedback at
firstname.lastname@example.org. Greenberg also writes a monthly column for Fortune.
Mark Martinez assisted with the reporting of this column.