I don't know about you, but I am pulling for a one-two
crunch punch. That's where the bulls pull in their horns ahead of a parade of Whitefish, Mont., types telling us this rally is phony on
and we get worries about authentic
gibberish tomorrow from the Man Who Matters.
This time I want the one-two punch to land right in the market's kisser. I want Insana to bring on the biggest, baddest, scariest bears of all time. Heck, find me
. And then maybe have
on. We've got enough of those people from the
these days -- why not let Abelson in on the fun? Make it like the end of a bullfight or something, after the sticks are in and the sharp knives are out. Or maybe saw off a few of those longhorns -- they spurt blood, you know. How about taking a blowtorch to that big metal bull down the block from the
New York Stock Exchange
? All coming up at 2 p.m.! Can't wait. Be there.
And then we have Fed crunch time, where people want to sell because Greenspan won't be joking about productivity, he'll be wearing his 50-basis-point war paint! Not. We want this because we want another chance to get in.
We are keeping our powder dry for these "really scary Zombie Island this time the monsters are for real hide under the bed was that thunder I heard" afternoon events.
Why? Because these punches have been thrown before. And now we know how to turn them to our advantage. And because soon
will be hosting in the afternoons, and we won't have this time-honored pattern to kick around any longer.
"Twenty-five and walk away" means Greenspan will raise the rates 25 basis points and then wait. I liked the ring of it.
James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund had no positions in any stocks mentioned. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at