Dating the Boss: Ask Noah
The following commentary comes from an independent investor or market observer as part of TheStreet's guest contributor program, which is separate from the company's news coverage.
NEW YORK (
) --
Q: Tricky situation, hope you can help . . . I've begun to develop strong romantic feelings for a colleague. The problem is, I'm her boss. I am wrestling with whether or not to pursue this woman. My instincts tell me there could really be a future here! What do you think, Noah? A
: Interoffice romance can be very tricky. There are very valid reasons why HR departments warn employees against office romance or hold "no-tolerance" policies concerning these relationships.
In a recent online legal survey, 40% of currently employed American workers, ages 25 to 40, confessed to interoffice relationships. Apparently these relationships are widely practiced yet often kept secret.
That said, if you're choosing to pursue this romance, you must proceed with immense caution, keeping in mind that you are her boss.
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This fact is very important to be mindful of first and foremost ... in the event of an unpleasant aftermath, nasty repercussions might cause irrevocable difficulties or damages to your career.
Please also remember that your now sterling reputation as a professional might also be called into question after dating one of your employees.
If these results do not scare you, if you are certain your feelings are returned, and if you feel the situation to be trustworthy, then there is no reason two consenting adults falling in love cannot carry out their own wishes privately.
There is no little wonder that the workplace creates an atmosphere for strong bonds, deep friendships and romances to occur. In the workplace one finds many like-minded people with similar interests, investments, or concerns.
Not only do fellow employees of a company spend a majority of their days together, they are also in constant conversation over projects, goals and company interests.
At work, a lot of nonverbal communications are exchanged too. A physical familiarity/comfort is born and perhaps that is a reason to feel drawn toward your colleagues.
As you've mentioned a future with this woman, I'm assuming you're not only drawn to her beauty, I'm sure you've observed many characteristics of her essence as well.
At work you've probably had opportunities to witness all sides of her talents, intelligence, problem-solving capabilities, warmth and empathy, ability to delegate, kindness toward others, and most importantly her value system.
This may be my dream woman! So, let me move on:
Tips in Proceeding
Keep it separate from work; entirely!
Make mutual decisions on discussing with others; i.e., who to tell and when to tell.
Remember to put all of her work concerns at ease. Do not let her feel compromised in the slightest, and keep work as far from the romance as possible.
Proceed very very slowly, slower than you would normally ever want to.
Create weekly or biweekly check-in points with her as your romance builds. Make certain you each feel completely comfortable before taking another step.
Finally: Here is the deal. If the inner pull is immensely
real
, as you've stated previously; if you wholeheartedly believe that this person could be the one for you; if this feels like a once-in-a-lifetime romance, then action is warranted.
Please, buddy ... check back with me next Valentine's Day!
I really love all of these questions, and look forward to reading them each week.
Remember to send them to "Ask Noah" at nskass@gmail.com. And check out my appearance on the
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Have a profitable and peaceful week,
Noah
