The only college teams fielded in AD 1000 would have been from Constantinople and Cairo (
). Apparently, the Byzantines and the Arabs weren't aware that these were the Dark Ages. It wasn't until the end of the 11th century that the intellectuals of Western Europe embraced such avant garde ideas as literacy and schools.
If you wanted a happy and passive bookie, you'd pay him in Byzantine nomisma (
). Yes, it's
those smug, brilliant Byzantines again. They were the Ivy Leaguers of the Middle Ages. Their nomisma, a gold coin, represented the wealth and stability of the greatest power in medieval Christendom. Byzantine currency was a more successful version of the euro.
Anglische wert eine Deutsche sprache, mais l'invasion Normande produced the harmonious synthesis of English (
). Middle English, the vernacular of
, does sound like a Scotsman gargling. Answer d is a physical impossibility: One cannot speak French without a sneer.
Unfortunately, the answer is
. Garret Hobart would have been the incumbent vice president in 1900, but he died in 1899. The autopsy did not indicate boredom as a cause.
Joseph Kennedy would never have been caught. No, the answer is
: Joseph Stalin. He was expelled for revolutionary activities. Knowing Stalin, he was probably recommending more effective ways to execute Jesus.
Your confused stockbroker would want you to buy
American Sugar Refining
). The company does not exist anymore, its identity lost in mergers and acquisitions; however, it was a corporate titan in 1900. American Sugar monopolized the sugar industry and was the subject of an antitrust case. The company was delisted from the Dow Jones Industrial Average in 1930. Of course, in 1930, it was a miracle if any companies were left in the Dow.
Add up your correct answers and see where you rank among history's visionaries.
Eugene Finerman is a humorist, speechwriter and founder of the Byzantine Antidefamation League. In keeping with TSC policy, Eugene does not have any REITs in Constantinople. Please tell us
what you think of his inspired rantings.