Publish date:

An Ideal Report From the Floor

Cramer offers up his own copy for the talking heads.

If I were reporting live from the floor of the

New York Stock Exchange

, here is what my copy would be:

"If someone were to tell you that


(INTC) - Get Intel Corporation (INTC) Report

would be downgraded by

Morgan Stanley

, the premier bull on the chipmaker, and the


would be up anyway, you'd have to marvel at the strength of this market.

"Yes, on top of yesterday's gain and the gain on Wednesday -- the largest single point increase in Nasdaq history -- the bulls just keep buying.

TheStreet Recommends

"I've talked to a number of traders today both on this floor and at the Nasdaq, and they are blown away with the strength of this market. One longtime hedge fund manager described the trading as "remarkable," especially considering that Intel is down almost 3 1/2.

"What's behind the strength? A strong IPO market, including a couple of roaring dot-coms, as well as frenzied -- the volume is extremely high, even for a triple-witch -- attempts by large institutions to get long after the Big Bad Events of the week, the


and the


speech, turned out to be benign.

"As far as sectors, for the first time we are seeing tremendous strength in retail, a group that had cooled ever since the


changed its bias.

"Now back to you, blah, blah, blah."

Would it be too much to ask to have something like this?

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of At time of publication, his fund had no positions in any stocks mentioned. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at