What an opportune moment,

Buzz and Batch

just came into my office. I made them put out the Phillies -- weren't they smoking Cohibas --

Castro's

own last time I saw them? -- and they couldn't bring Milwaukee's Best into these confines.

But I did tape the quick conversation we just had.

Buzz

: "Hey Jimbo, buddy, we were thinking about shorting some of these Web stocks, the dot-coms, and we wanted to know, should we use puts or do we need an uptick?"

Batch

: "What is an uptick anyway, Bub? Refresh me. I missed that Series class."

Cramer

: "Guys, I think it is a little late to short the dot-coms. Most of them are at or near their cash positions. I think they actually represent value."

Batch

: "We'll take

Sportline

. That's a short.

Knicks

gonna lose.

Portland

vs.

Pacers

, I mean, like, who cares."

Cramer

: "I don't know, guys, I think those guys have six bucks in cash. I think it might even be considered cheap."

Buzz

: "You are pretty funny Cramer, you know that? Anyway, do we need to borrow stock to short it? Or can we just short? I mean like these stocks go down every day. That's the way to make money. That's the trend."

Cramer

: "Aren't you fearful that Mel will just buy the rest in?"

Batch

: "Mel from Alice? You look like Mel with that hair, man."

Cramer

: "I gotta ask you guys to leave."

Buzz

: "Hey, we were out of line with that. Anyway, we just wanted to let you know, it is time to go short, big time. See ya!"

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund had no positions in any stocks mentioned. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at

jjcletters@thestreet.com.