A Bull Market Every Half-Hour

This tape gives you a bull market every half-hour. Take the

AOL

(AOL)

life cycle we just saw. The stock opens down, badly, sellers everywhere. The culprit? Who knows, but it looks like the dead-tree

Tribune

(TRB)

sale that was mentioned in the

Journal

this morning. Heck, we heard about that possibility yesterday, so we buy. We get 20,000 shares in, down 2 1/2.

Darn if the stock doesn't drop a smacker by the time we get the report -- and we have machine gun-style brokers. So we buy another 10,000 down 3 1/2.

By the time we get the report the stock is up 2! (This time I stepped off the desk to check a search engine beta that was cool as all get out.) I sell 10,000. I get a 170 report. Ka-ching!

Meanwhile

Gillette's

(G) - Get Report

down 6. In this tape, in this wonderful, wild, nutty tape, the only thing you have to worry about is your health. Can you handle the volatility without a coronary? Can you accept that to own

Yahoo!

(YHOO)

you have to experience a 214 level -- down 5 in premarket trading -- in order to reap a $237 reward? Can your blood pressure weather this excitement?

Glad I worked out today.

Random musings:

Kudos to

Lewis Purdue

, who

knows this

Lernout

(LHSP)

stuff. And to

Seymour

, who

wrote the definitive monograph this morning on

Intel

(INTC) - Get Report

in the home. Darn site, it's as hot as this market!

James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At the time of publication the fund was long AOL and Yahoo!, though positions can change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column by sending an email to

letters@thestreet.com.