Some have been speculating that a takeover of Estee Lauder (EL) - Get Estee Lauder Companies Inc. Class A Report could be in the cards. These rumors started Friday and continue Monday, as analysts at Bernstein make the case that Unilever (UL) - Get Unilever PLC Sponsored ADR Report would make for a good suitor.

"I want to stick a fork in something," TheStreet's founder Jim Cramer, who also manages the Action Alerts PLUS charitable trust portfolio, said on CNBC's "Mad Dash" segment, "there is no takeover."

First of all, there's two classes of stock, Cramer pointed out. The multiple stock classes only matter with context, which is that the Lauder family owns about 40% of the company via both Class A and Class B stock. However, because Class B shareholders receive 10 votes per share vs. just 1 vote per share for Class A shareholders, the family holds 87% of the voting power for the company.

If the family doesn't want to sell, Estee Lauder isn't being acquired. And guess what? The Lauder family doesn't want to sell, Cramer reasoned. "Absolutely no chance," he said, based on comments from the group.

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Those calling for a takeover are "bozos," he reasoned, adding that it seems a new company is always in the discussion to be acquired, which is generally based only on speculation.

As far as earnings go, Estee Lauder was one of the few to report good results. It was a "fabulous" quarter, Cramer concluded.

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At the time of publication, Cramer's Action Alerts PLUS had no position in any companies mentioned.