15 Gifts for Your Pooped Holiday Pets

The holidays are stressful for you, but they aren't exactly great for your pet, either. Here are some luxuries they've earned during the last few months.

Author:: Jason Notte
Publish date:: Dec 24, 2016 3:40 PM EST

Editor's pick: Originally published Dec. 20.

If you think you get wiped out by the holidays, imagine how your pets feel.

Granted, the winter holidays have none of the concussive bombast of the Fourth of July that sends scared pets running for the hills, but they're fraught with peril for pets who suddenly have trees in their home and lots of weird strangers offering scraps from the table. They're surrounded by potentially poisonous plants like mistletoe, pine, poinsettias, cedar and holly. They're endangered by spiked tree water (even sugar's bad news), tipping trees, unattended candles, broken ornaments and ubiquitous strands of lights. Then absent-minded people try to feed them chocolate (toxic), turkey skin (causes pancreatitis), artificial sweetener (liver failure) and yeast dough (painful gas that, while not fatal, is extremely unpleasant).

The American Veterinary Medical Association already suggests having your vet's number, a 24/7 emergency's clinic's number and ASPCA Poison Control's number (1-888-426-4435) on hand throughout the holidays, but pets who put up with all that stress or, worse, are forced to travel might need a little bit of a break.

According to a survey of pet owners by the American Pet Products Association industry group, 65% of U.S. households (79.7 million) own a pet, up from 56% in 1988. While the 95.5 million freshwater fish kept as pets in the U.S. can fare pretty well on their own, the 85.8 million cats (in 42.9 million households) and 77.8 million dogs (in 54.4 million homes) bear the brunt of the holiday misery.

Pet owners in the U.S. are expected to spend $62.75 billion on their pets this year, up from $60.28 billion in 2015. While the overwhelming majority of that will be spent on animal purchases ($2.11 billion), food ($24.01), medicine ($14.98 billion) and vet care ($15.92 billion), there's a $5.73 billion hole dedicated to "other services" that exists largely to pamper your pet. That includes treats ($61 annually per dog, $51 per cat), boarding ($333 for dogs, $130 for cats), grooming ($83 for dogs, $43 for cats) and toys ($47 for dogs, $28 for cats).

While we've laid out the merits of adopting and pampering shelter animals before, we realize that some holiday pets are of a far different pedigree. If you often find yourself at the center of a bustling holiday season and are considering rewarding your pet for making it through without incident, here are some luxurious means of letting your pet know you care:

The Lowell Hotel, New York CityWe found The Lowellwhile we were putting together another pampered-pet piece earlier this year, but we'd be remiss if we didn't offer it as an option for your pooped pet.During its winter offseason, room rates start at $540 a night for a basic room with a king-size bed and can cost as much as $2,000 a night for fairly modest suites. That's actually a bargain at The Lowell. When autumn arrives in New York, that lowest rate jumps above $860 a night, while the price of larger suites climbs to nearly $3,000. If you're looking to secure the penthouse, that will run you $12,000 to $13,000 a night.In that context, a $9 serving of Harry's Milk Bone Biscuits isn't quite so head-turning. Neither is the $14 Bow Wow Wow ground beef patty, the $24 Sophisticated Dog filet mignon tartar or the $18 Healthy Friend plate of cage-free turkey, organic oats, fruits and vegetables.

Bloomingdale'sWhat, like you don't have a lovely holiday sweater keeping you nice and toasty during the season?You may look outside an see a winter wonderland, but your dog sees arctic tundra that he or she has to traverse daily just to go to the bathroom. In conditions that require you to put on waterproof boots, fleece-lined pants, a sweater, a coat, a hat and a scarf or earmuffs, you force your dog to go out in only the fur he or she was born with. Here's a hint: If your dog's breed doesn't pull sleds, doesn't have "mountain" in its name or isn't depicted in cartoons with a barrel of whiskey strapped to its neck, it gets cold, too. The next time you're at Bloomie's stuffing your Brown Bag full of forgettable presents soon to be returned for store credit, think of your poor, shivering, undersized accessory of a dog and spend the extra $45 on some fashionable warmth.

Barney'sSo maybe you think that pullover sweaters with "Super Model" stitched into them are a bit... Williamsburg for your tastes. If you need something a little more Upper West Side in one of the good buildings along Columbus Avenue or Central Park West -- and not some godforsaken day-trader kennel on a side street -- Barney's is more than willing to woo you away from that den of ill repute on 59th Street and get your dog into some proper, 100% cashmere. Yes, it costs $590 no matter the size, but that's a bargain for larger dogs. When you take your Bernese Mountain Dog out for a stroll by the Natural History Museum in one of these numbers, you can rest assured that you're getting some value out of that three-figure dog clothing.

George'sGeorge's is a San Francisco-based pet boutique name after the owners' wire hair fox terrier, but it has its roots in George's first home in New York City. Named after George's first playground, this bed is stitched out of all-cotton railroad-stripe denim and unzips to allow for easy washing of it's cover. It has plush poly cushions, bumpers to lean and nuzzle against and four different sizes ranging from 13" by 14" to 26" by 29". Yes, it's $140 to $230, depending on the size, but are you going to tell your friend he or she isn't worth it.

SingaporeAnother one we came across months ago, this hotel hooked us with one run-on sentence: "Situated in the heart of the city below Dempsey Hill in a small village on Loewen Road, surrounded by verdant greenery, tranquility and nature, a heritage standalone old colonial conservation bungalow is transformed into the finest and most luxurious 5 stars pet hotel in Singapore."This is The Wagington's own description of the location of its pet hotel -- not a kennel, mind you, but an actual pet hotel. "Just steps away from one of the city's top lifestyle destinations that lies some of the most renowned restaurants and bars" -- because if there's anything pets love, it's idle chatter with expats over Singapore slings at Raffles -- the Wagington offers three levels of suites for dogs, daycare options, grooming and styling, a bone-shaped pool for your dogs and limo services for pet transfer. What do your dogs get in their rooms? LCD televisions, mood lighting, nighttime tummy rubs, climate control, cameras for the owners to check in on them, twice-a-day fitness and walking and surround-sound classical music.Cats aren't excluded, as the hotel's Purr-fection Suites away from the dog areas. Cats get many of the same perks, but with a littler box and a Swarovski Crystal Feeding Bowl: Which seems completely appropriate for an animal that would eat tuna straight from the can daily if allowed to do so. Though dog suites range from $63 to $150 per pet per night, cat suites range from $29 to $66 a night. Daycare, grooming, styling, pool or limousine service are extra.

Polka Dog BakeryThis Boston-based pet-treat bakery/boutique once got by on pigs' ears, duck-flavored treats and biscuits shaped like Christmas cookies. Then it stumbled on something that's become its staple: jerky. It turns out that if you dry out and salt some local cod and haddock or even a bit of chicken, dogs tend to go nuts for it. But how do you choose the right flavor? You don't: for the holidays (and beyond), you can get all three for $39.99. Considering how many treats your dog has to avoid during the holiday season, having some safe and delicious ones around only helps.

Neiman MarcusNo, the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book isn't just for the children of captains of industry or adults who'd part with six-figures for a walk-on part in Broadway's Waitress.It's also gunning for your pets... hard. Neiman Marcus wants nothing more than to put your pet's name (which it can't read) onto its collar (which it can't see) for $60 ($65 for larger dogs). However, if you want to go all-out, you could splurge for a personalized leash ($90) or, to complete the motif, a personalized "dog bag" case (you know, the case that holds little plastic bags that, in turn, hold your dog's waste) for $55. Altogether, that's a starting price of $205 just to personalize your dog's morning walk.

George'sCats at every point on the social strata love nip. It is to them what Pumpkin Spice Lattes and the Gilmore Girls are to that thirtysomething in accounts receivable every fall. It's what bad electronic dance music and domestic vacations based on a state's marijuana laws are to your office's intern, who'll totally call out sick the Friday before a holiday weekend. Catnip is a cat's "go" button, and if it gets pushed by a $19.50 foot-long packet of sausage-shaped fabric dressed like a candy cane, so be it. Your cat will be buzzing on that until at least Saint Patrick's Day, when it'll crash for a much-deserved... catnap. I'll show myself out.

Ralph LaurenAgain, your pets aren't immune to weather. We've noted before that some of them might just appreciate a layer of added warmth, but what if there was some incentive for you put a jacket in their closet? Think about this: when you go out and walk your dog in the rain, how is your dog going to get rid of all of that additional moisture? Is it going to immediately heat up and reduce that water to condensed vapor? Is it going to absorb it all through osmosis, only to require yet another trip outside for emptying? No, your dog is going to shake that rain all over the first spot in the house it feels comfortable in. Sure, $195 may be a little steep for what's essentially a jaunty little dog hiking costume, but if it keeps any of that water off of your dog and on a manageable little dog coat (with adjustable straps, no less), all the better.

ArulidenFish folks, we didn't forget about you.Do you look at your aquarium on occasion and think to yourself, "You know what, I bet there isn't any teal gravel at the bottom of the ocean." Nope, there aren't any little plastic castles down there, either, and the divers your fish encountered (which goldfish typically wouldn't) aren't usually wearing diving bells anymore. If you're going to put something in the tank that they wouldn't run into in the wild anyway, why not a blown-glass mountain range? Johan Liden and Rinat Aruh of the New York concept and design group Aruliden dreamed up this 2.5-gallon fish bowl and, quite frankly, aren't all that intent on you using it to give goldfish a studio apartment until they die. Would you rather it be a terrarium? Fine. Want to fill it with tropical punch and Swedish fish? Go to town. Either way, it'll be a conversation piece for a conversation about something other than how often you clean it out.

TeabirdIf those repetitive, uninspired vertical bird feeders from every home and garden chain in the country didn't have some sweet bird feed in them, do you think birds would care about them? No, no they wouldn't.Honestly, whether it's your pet bird or a few sparrows just passing by your porch or fire escape, birds are into bird feeders for exactly one reason: the feed. Anything that you can do tho make them more aesthetically pleasant and not make your home look like some feral bird flophouse is a luxury. So why not make them out of teacups? Susan Ross of Portland, Ore., takes thrift-store and antique teacups, attaches them to rust-resistant stainless-steel hangers and turns them into easy-to-wash feeders. She'll do custom orders with just about any dishware you want and can attach baubles, wine corks or any other adornments you'd like. You'll have to take them in for the winter if you're in a colder area (they don't behave well once temperatures hit the 20s), but those teacup feeders will get more action from birds than they will from a U.S. culture that's either A) Lost its taste for tea or B) Has no issue slurping tea from mugs like some Troglodyte.

Trixie + PeanutEven among pets, there are the nouveau riche -- dogs whose owners recently came into some good fortune (or available credit) and felt it entitled them to an outward display of wealth. The fact is, your dog or cat will sit on any soft, cushy object (my feline coworker Switz is nestled in the crook of my arm as I write this) and fall asleep. You likely don't need a $249 bed shaped like a 1980s Ferrari Testarossa with a "2 HAUTE" Euro-style license plate, but it stands out more than, say, a $230 bed made of denim. Also, considering that you could have bought your dog a $179 "Chewy Vuiton [sic]" bed that's shaped like a handbag and looks as if it came out of the prop closet of a rejected Legally Blonde sequel, the Furrari bed just shows you're willing to commit -- even if you're long-term finances aren't.

Haute HouseHowever, even if you did purchase the Furrari bed, you got off lightly. If you're among the heavy hitters and have cash to blow, you get your pet this bed. You get a fuschia bed with black welt, buttons, legs and its own ceiling. You pay the full cost of shipping that bed to wherever you pet happens to be. You look right past Haute House's other pet beds that start at $650 because they're for chumps and also-rans. Your pet is a striver, your pet is a winner. Your pet doesn't need "Haute" stitched onto a fake license plate on a fake Ferrari bed: That word is stitched onto your pet's very soul.

Harry BarkerSure, a bunch of Harry Barker pet products made the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book this year, but Harry Barker is basically Neiman Marcus for pets. You can get a gingham canvas bone for just $12 or a gift bucket for as little as $36, but once you get past the entry level and into the Parisian totes ($84), tartan holiday bin ($122) or three-figure beds ($150-$280, even at Neiman Marcus), you're in rare company.

Apple or Google AndroidWe aren't telling you to drop $70 to $300 on a tablet for your cats. However, given the sheer number of apps developed solely for amusing your cats, you may want to think about at least investing one with a particularly scratch-resistant touchscreen or a screen that's easily cleaned. Just think about the first thing your cat goes for when it exits the litter box and the last time you touched your tablet and felt the grainy resistance of litter... or worse.

Pet room service

The Lowell Hotel, New York City

We found The Lowellwhile we were putting together another pampered-pet piece earlier this year, but we'd be remiss if we didn't offer it as an option for your pooped pet.

During its winter offseason, room rates start at $540 a night for a basic room with a king-size bed and can cost as much as $2,000 a night for fairly modest suites. That's actually a bargain at The Lowell. When autumn arrives in New York, that lowest rate jumps above $860 a night, while the price of larger suites climbs to nearly $3,000. If you're looking to secure the penthouse, that will run you $12,000 to $13,000 a night.

In that context, a $9 serving of Harry's Milk Bone Biscuits isn't quite so head-turning. Neither is the $14 Bow Wow Wow ground beef patty, the $24 Sophisticated Dog filet mignon tartar or the $18 Healthy Friend plate of cage-free turkey, organic oats, fruits and vegetables.