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NEW YORK (
) -- This market is as dumb as a bag of hammers, Jim Cramer announced to his
viewers Monday. It's creating investment opportunities that just shouldn't exist.
Yes, it's true. The skepticism in the stock market is running so thick that investors just can't seem to anticipate good news until it actually happens, and sometimes even then it catches them by surprise.
Case in point: Regeneron(REGN) - Get Report, a stock that roared up $23 a share today, or 5%, on the news that the company's anti-cholesterol drug is continuing to show positive data in clinical trials. This "news" was not really news, though -- Regeneron's CEO called it out when he last appeared on Mad Money and Cramer even highlighted it on last week's game plan.
The same holds true for Amgen(AMGN) - Get Report, Biomarin(BMRN) - Get Report and Pharmacyclics (PCYC) , three more biotechs that told investors good things were happening, only to find their shares rallying as if they announced something new.
Other companies with news the markets cannot seem to process include Edwards Lifesciences(EW) - Get Report, Biogen Idec(BIIB) - Get Report and Harman International (HAR) , the connected car company that received an analyst upgrade today calling it "a connected car company."
If this pattern continues, investors can expect shares of Tesla Motors(TSLA) - Get Report to rally later this week when the company unveils a new software update that CEO Elon Musk told investors would be coming later this week.
These opportunities shouldn't exist, Cramer concluded. But while they do, investors should be taking advantage of them.
Cramer's Brackets: Duke, Gonzaga
Investors looking to play March Madness, Mad Money style, take notice. Cramer's filling out his basketball brackets.
Cramer said in the south, his top two seeds are Duke and Gonzaga. He likened Duke to fave Walt Disney(DIS) - Get Report, the best movie and media franchise on Earth. Gonzaga is more like another fave, Boeing(BA) - Get Report, a stock that's doubled in the past two years as airlines are desperate to get new fuel-efficient planes.
Other picks are Georgetown, which Cramer likens to Cisco Systems(CSCO) - Get Report, a stock which he owns for his charitable trust, Action Alerts PLUS. Meanwhile, St. John's is Cramer's Shake Shack(SHAK) - Get Report and San Diego State is his Activis(ACT) - Get Report.
Ulta Sitting Pretty
Seven out of nine. That's how many analysts congratulated Ulta Salon(ULTA) - Get Report on its remarkable quarter that saw same-store sales soar 11% in a single quarter. When investors seen a "congratulations index" that high, good things are clearly happening.
What did Ulta do in order to achieve such fantastic results? Management listed six things it's doing right including customer relationship management, thanks to its successful rewards program; in-store technology, which is helping to get inventory on track; and innovation, where Cramer sees a possible retail partner in the future.
Also on Ulta's list of successes: exceptional service, which speaks for itself; ecommerce, which currently only accounts for 4.6% of total sales but could move the needle in future; and infrastructure spending to offer customers what they crave, an omni-channel experience.
Add all of these initiatives together and you've got a recipe for continued success, Cramer noted.
Cramer's Brackets: Villanova, University of Virginia
Continuing with the sports metaphors, Cramer offered his comparisons in the East region. His top pick was Villanova, which Cramer likened to the always-consistent results from 3M(MMM) - Get Report, which sports a 2.5% dividend yield and a worth buying into any weakness.
Louisiana State University may have a bright future, and that reminded Cramer of Halyard Health (HYH) , another Action Alerts PLUS holding that is starting a new chapter. As for Louisville, Cramer likened that team to Chipotle Mexican Grill(CMG) - Get Report, a stock that also has a great track record.
In the Lightning Round, Cramer was bullish on H&R Block(HRB) - Get Report, RR Donnelley(RRD) - Get Report, Intercept Pharmaceuticals(ICPT) - Get Report, Alcoa(AA) - Get Report, Verizon(VZ) - Get Report, Spark Therapeutics(ONCE) - Get Report and Isis Pharmaceuticals (ISIS) .
Cramer was bearish on Pacific Ethanol(PEIX) - Get Report, Sanchez Energy(SN) - Get Report, Micron Technology(MU) - Get Report, Trinity Industries(TRN) - Get Report and Vodafone Group(VOD) - Get Report.
Cramer on the S&P
Why is it so tough to beat the S&P 500? It's because the index is always upgrading itself, casting aside its losers while making room for up-and-coming superstars.
That was Cramer's take on the most recent additions and subtractions to the S&P, which included adding Equinix(EQIX) - Get Report, the red-hot data center company, while removing Denberry Resources(DNR) - Get Report, the struggling oil and gas company.
Other changes to the S&P included SL Green Realty(SLG) - Get Report, which replaces the outgoing Nabors Industries(NBR) - Get Report, another ailing company in the oil patch. Then there's Hanesbrands(HBI) - Get Report, the up-and-coming undergarment maker with tons of growth, replacing the ever-ailing Avon Products(AVP) - Get Report, a stock that's down 19% in just the past three months.
All of these changes help to make the S&P 500 better than ever, Cramer concluded.
To watch replays of Cramer's video segments, visit the Mad Money page on CNBC.
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At the time of publication, Cramer's Action Alerts PLUS had a position in CSCO, ETN, HYH and KMI.