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"Why not just start up the sell block?" Jim Cramer asked viewers of his "Mad Money" show Thursday, his first show since returning from vacation.
"I'm not going to just say you should take some profits and enjoy the strength of this market. Because while I was on vacation, I heard some things that made me freak out."
Cramer said that while he was trying to relax on the beach, people kept coming up to him and telling him more reasons why he should panic. "This is frightening stuff!" he said.
For example, about the subprime explosion, he heard: "It's not going to stop until it destroys everything in its path."
Cramer also heard that interest rates could hit back to 5.25%, or even 5.5%.
Surely He Jests?
As for housing, Cramer said, "I mean, I'm talking about going from horrible to catastrophic.
"I really and truly believe that the sky is falling and the world is coming to an end," Cramer said. "It's time to kiss the market goodbye. It's time to sell everything!"
"Make sure you get a shot of my fingers crossed behind my back," he said. "I'm actually being sarcastic."
"Let's forget about putting the market in the sell block," he said. But Cramer cautioned that if anything he'd just said "made you scared enough to sell, I've got some real bad news for you: Maybe you're just not cut out to buy stocks. ... Maybe you shouldn't be in this game."
You don't have to have nerves of steel to play the game, he said. But investors do need to have some nerve. The issues he heard about on vacation will always be there, and the rumors won't be scared off by evidence or common sense.
"There have always been worries in the market. There have always been what I regard to be professional wet-blanket people," Cramer said. "They're very, very persuasive. You know what they're about? They're about losing money."
Unfortunately, positive market predictions don't sell papers -- but they do make money, Cramer said. "And Cramer only cares about making money."
Cramer said that he sees bull markets all over, including in agriculture, infrastructure, machinery, minerals and mining, autos and aerospace. Plus, he said, you need to be in tech, because "this is the season to be tech jolly."
"This is a great market," Cramer said. "But if you can't listen to the endless stream of negativity coming from the press without getting scared, maybe this bull market isn't for you."
In response to a caller, Cramer said that
"is good, but it's had a nice run." He called the whole group is cheap, including
, which he owns for his
Action Alerts PLUS charitable trust. And he's just now discovering
, which is "way down."
Cramer told another caller not to listen to the rumors surrounding
Enterprise Products Partners
but to instead pay attention to the insider buying and the great dividend. "Buy EPD," he said.
On the CEO Waterfront
While he was relaxing on the beach, Cramer said, the one thing that everyone asked him was "Why can't you be more mean-spirited?"
Cramer said that though he's "become an ambassador of goodwill ... there is one time when I'm willing to be as cruel as it takes -- when it makes you money!"
With that in mind, Cramer said it was time to revisit his "CEO Wall of Shame," reserved for the guys "who've never received my sage advice." If any of the CEOs on the list were to resign, Cramer said, "these stocks would bounce."
Cramer inducted the first CEOs to the list on Aug. 17, 2006. "It's time to give the list a little checkup," Cramer said.
Early members of the list included
Bausch & Lomb
Of those, Home Depot's Bob Nardelli and Bristol-Myers' Peter Dolan have left those companies. Bristol-Myers is up, and though Home Depot has slipped 1% since Nardelli left, Cramer told viewers to "please have patience"
Cramer issued pardons to Avon's Andrea Jung and Bausch & Lomb's Ronald Zarella, whose stocks are both up, and he commuted the sentence of IBM's Sam Palmisano, giving the company a buy.
He put Marsh & McClellan's Michael Cherkasky on probation.
Terry Semel went from the CEO spot at Yahoo! to nonexecutive chairman, and though the stock spiked after the news broke, it's now back down.
As for Wal-Mart's Lee Scott, Cramer said that "good things are happening at Wal-Mart the company, and if Scott's head rolls, good things should happen with Wal-Mart the stock."
Citigroup's Chuck Prince has been a member since March 15, and Cramer still thinks the stock will rise when he leaves. Cramer owns the stock for
Action Alerts PLUS, his charitable trust.
Finally, there's Syntax-Brillian's Vincent Sollitto. Cramer said he would not recommend buying this stock, "because I actually think it's going to go lower before he leaves."
New Bricks in His Wall
It takes years of hard work and incompetence to make into onto the "CEO Wall of Shame," Cramer said.
Today, it's time for three new additions. "I can think of three CEOs so bad that their retirements deserve to be celebrated in advance," he said.
The first of these is
Patricia Russo. "I was too soft" on Alcatel-Lucent, Cramer said. "This was a big merger ... and it's not going as smoothly as it should."
Russo couldn't get it together at Lucent, where she was CEO before the merger, and "she can't get it together at Alcatel-Lucent. I think ALU could see $16 the minute she decides to take a permanent vacation."
Ed Zander. When he took over in 2004, the stock almost doubled, Cramer said, but he didn't have what it took to keep it going.
"Ed Zander could immediately improve morale by deciding to spend more time around the house," Cramer said, and give up his CEO spot.
The third addition is
Advanced Micro Devices'
Hector Ruiz. "AMD can't compete with
. It can't compete with
," Cramer said. It has too many plants and too many people -- and Ruiz has got to go.
Next, Cramer welcomed
President and CEO Joel Moskowitz to the show.
Ceradyne has "been a huge, huge winner," Cramer said, which made his viewers a fortune. The company makes body armor, but Cramer said it's "doing much more than that these days."
Cramer asked Moskowitz about Ceradyne's new initiatives
"We are more than just a one-trick pony, as they say," Moskowitz replied. In particular, recently Ceradyne has made a "major move" in nuclear waste containment.
In addition, Ceradyne has opened a factory in Canada, and last week it announced the acquisition of EaglePicher.
"We plan to make a major effort globally in the use of materials" in absorbing radiation, Moskowitz said.
"I think this extension of your business is huge," Cramer said. "Anybody who thinks you're going to run out steam in 2008, 2009 ... you've got a whole new line."
Cramer asked Moskowitz about reports by
that there's a better form of body armor on the market, called Dragon Skin. But according to Moskowitz, it hasn't been an issue. "It really hasn't been a competitive product to Ceradyne," the CEO said.
"That stock is slated to go to $100," Cramer said.
To view Cramer's interview with Joel Moskowitz, please click here.
During his "Sudden Death" segment, Cramer told viewers that
go higher but that
has "nothing there. Stay away."
Cramer was bullish on
Smith & Wesson
He was bearish on
For more of Cramer's insights during the Lightning Round, click here
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At the time of publication, Cramer was long Citigroup, Goldman Sachs and Yahoo!.
Jim Cramer, host of the CNBC television program "Mad Money," is a Markets Commentator for TheStreet.com, Inc., and CNBC, and a director and co-founder of TheStreet.com. All opinions expressed by Mr. Cramer on "Mad Money" are his own and do not reflect the opinions of TheStreet.com or its affiliates, or CNBC, NBC UNIVERSAL or their parent company or affiliates. Mr. Cramer's opinions are based upon information he considers to be reliable, but neither TheStreet.com, nor CNBC, nor either of their affiliates and/or subsidiaries warrant its completeness or accuracy, and it should not be relied upon as such. Mr. Cramer's statements are based on his opinions at the time statements are made, and are subject to change without notice. No part of Mr. Cramer's compensation from CNBC or TheStreet.com is related to the specific opinions expressed by him on "Mad Money."
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