Live Masters Blog: The Action at Augusta

Live Masters Blog: Follow Friday's second round of The Masters with TheStreet's minute-by-minute Master Blog -- including shot-by-shot coverage of the second round of Tiger Woods.
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Throughout the four days of the Masters, TheStreet will cover all the action at Augusta, including hole-by-hole coverage of each round of Tiger Woods.

AUGUSTA, Georgia (

TheStreet

) -- Yesterday's opening round of the Masters was one of those rare instances in which the collective output of our national hype industry was not, in fact, greater than the reality of the moment. Seriously, short of Tiger Woods engaging in sexual relations on the first tee box, was there anything more we could have expected from yesterday's first round?

We had the return of the world's greatest golfer, who -- who could have guessed it? -- looked a lot like the world's greatest golfer. Apparently, the psychological shame of having the entire civilized world be intimately aware of exactly how you attempt to seduce harlots through the tens of thousands of outside-of-wedlock "sext" messages that you have sent over the course of the past five years is ... actually

not

enough to disengage Tiger Woods' laser-like focus on the golf course. Go figure.

Then there was -- nanogenarian alert! -- yet another sighting on the leaderboard of at a major of Ol' Crankypants himself. Tom Watson, flaunting the actuarial tables like no man since Mickey Rooney, marched out and grabbed the lead for much of the day, oblivious to the fact that he could, instead, just be cashing out his Social Security payments.

And let's not forget the return of Freddy "Boom Boom" Couples, whose six-under-par opening round was his best ever at the Masters, despite the fact that the man is both 50 years old, and has a spine that resembles the Citigroup stock chart.

And meanwhile you were supposed to be trading or something.

Look, we understand the conundrum: You have technical analysis to perform, due diligence to engage in, Sirius XM shorts to attend to. So today, again, we'll make it easy on you: just close out your positions, follow all the action through

TheStreet's

Masters blog, and pretend like you're actually working.