The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Before we get to this week's "winners," the last word in the Steve Ballmer boogie matter: The people have spoken, and the clear victor in the name-that-dance competition was "The Corporate Jerk," with a stunning 39% of the vote.

Meanwhile, runner-up "The Orangutango" garnered 22%. And now for the low-end door prizes: A year's supply of oven cleaner and Brillo pads goes to "The Heavin' Steven," with 14%; "The Monopolist Monkeyshine," with 12%; and "The Ballmer Blitz," with 12%.

1. Abby's Road

It's a little awkward to be an unreconstructed bull these days. Just ask Abby Joseph Cohen. ...