The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street: March 28

1. Bill Miller's Bailout

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. But from the looks of it, that charming old aphorism doesn't apply to Wall Street, where the better portion of the tough currently appear to be getting their foreheads hit by the flat side of an ax.

Take Bill Miller, the legendary fund manager at Legg Mason(LM Quote). If the stock market is like some archaic lock assembly, Miller has shown over time that he is one of the few men with the pick. That is, until Bear Stearns(BSC Quote). Anyone -- even the Sage of Baltimore -- can be unlucky enough to amble under a ceiling at the precise moment it collapses.

But Miller suffered a far worse fate, because he was standing at a dais delivering a public speech on what a good deal Bear was at the precise moment it was collapsing toward what would become known as its take-under price.

When a smart aleck at the Q&A asked the Sage of Baltimore if he was aware of the stock's (bowel) movement as he spoke, Miller reportedly responded in the way any of us might: He turned ashen. ...