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Funny Money: Central Banking While Intoxicated

Stock quotes in this article: SLM , AAPL , RIO , BAC , WMT , EBAY  

Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.

Yes, as reported last week, I'm free of TheStreet.com as of Feb. 4. Please track my columns, books and comedy gigs at JeffKreisler.com/blog. Miss you too.

0.75%: The interest rate cut, or Ben Bernanke's blood alcohol level when he made it?

My conversation with a jittery market: "Hey stock market, how are... Boo! Sorry, just kidding. Seriously, how's... Oh my gosh! Look out! Whoa, whoops, sorry, that's nothing. So, um, are you... He's got a gun No wait, my bad, it was a rate cut. So... what's up?" ...

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Dow Jones S&P 500 NASDAQ 10-Year Note
10,390.11 1,103.25 2,189.61 34.48
Oil *
76.70
UP
1.21
DOWN
2.73
DOWN
4.74
DOWN
0.35
10 Yr
3.45%
SPDR Gold
113.11
+0.01%
-0.25%
-0.22%
-1.00%
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