Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Abu Dhabi purchased a $7.5 billion stake in Citigroup. Uproar over Middle Eastern control of ports, but not over financial bellwethers? Maybe it's too "complicated." It'd resonate more if Met Life got involved, because you know what gets people's attention? Snoopy in a burka.
Confucius say: "In the Middle East, dollars are as prevalent as grains of sand, and worth about as much." Wait Â… that might've been Confucius' brother Phil.
Seriously, when the dollar's falling so fast that foreigners would rather invest in a losing-$8-billion-a-quarter company like Citigroup, we know there's trouble. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,388.90 | 1,105.98 | 2,194.35 | 34.83 |
Oil *
77.74
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UP
22.75
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UP
6.06
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UP
21.21
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UP
1.03
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10 Yr
3.48%
SPDR Gold
113.75
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+0.22%
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+0.55%
|
+0.98%
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+3.05%
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