Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
You know what you never hear? "I met the most beautiful, intelligent, well-rounded girl waiting in line for Halo 3."
Actually, Halo 3 has a cool concept. If players shoot enough aliens, the game provides health care coverage to poor children and GM retirees. It's almost impossible to win.
The UAW quickly ended its strike of GM once it noticed that the strike created no change in productivity. The agreement is a seminal moment in U.S. labor relations. Worth our undivided attention for as long as... What?! Deal or No Deal has an Internet site? ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,309.92 | 1,091.49 | 2,138.44 | 32.31 |
Oil *
77.12
|
|
DOWN
154.48
|
DOWN
19.14
|
DOWN
37.61
|
DOWN
0.48
|
10 Yr
3.23%
SPDR Gold
115.06
|
|
-1.48%
|
-1.72%
|
-1.73%
|
-1.46%
|
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