Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Apple cut the price of its iPhone by $200, and everyone who didn't think this would happen, please turn in your blinders at the nearest pet rock store. Frankly, it won't make a difference. If you can't spend $600 on a phone with poor reception that will probably be "upgraded" right after the holidays, you can't spend $400 on it either. It's simple Econ 101, or Econ 666 ... same thing.
Steve Jobs or Ben Bernanke? Who has the highest hype-to-actually-doing-anything ratio? I'll disclose the answer in a highly anticipated announcement soon. It's highly anticipated!
So did we make it a week without any Chinese product recalls? No? Dang. I'm running out of Chinese food/laundry/digging a hole to Omaha jokes... ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,305.01 | 1,091.81 | 2,139.10 | 32.34 |
Oil *
75.96
|
|
DOWN
159.39
|
DOWN
18.82
|
DOWN
36.95
|
DOWN
0.45
|
10 Yr
3.23%
SPDR Gold
114.74
|
|
-1.52%
|
-1.69%
|
-1.70%
|
-1.37%
|
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