Complain Right, and Ye Shall Receive

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain -- and most fools do.
-- Dale Carnegie

Tact is the art of telling someone where to go so well that they actually look forward to the trip. So it is with complaints: A successful complaint doesn't just vent a problem -- it proceeds several steps along the path to changing the problem by giving the interested parties the tools and the motivation they need to fix it.

The trouble is, like compliments, effective complaints are hard to make and even harder to receive. Done properly, they can change negative circumstances for the better. But done incorrectly, they don't just backfire: they also feel terrible as you're making them.

So let's begin with a stationary target: the written letter of complaint, which has the advantage of being revisable ad infinitum and can be perfected before it is sent. Indeed, if your conflict-resolution muscles need tone, practicing on a written document before you try to complain in person can work wonders. ...