Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Bank of America's CEO posted a $91 million gain from stock awards in 2006, forcing Vegas to increase the over/under on weeks until a BOA restatement to 13.
A former Citibank employee was sentenced to 15 months for fabricating profits to get a $200,000 bonus. Umm, $200,000? What was he, a janitor? Most bank execs fabricate $200,000 in their sleep. Come on, pal. If you'd done a $10 million, $20 million or $30 million job, I'm sure you would've gotten off.
A grand jury issued a subpoena over Costco's options practice. It was 200,000 pages long and came with a barrel of mayonnaise. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,331.46 | 1,095.09 | 2,146.68 | 32.22 |
Oil *
76.32
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DOWN
132.94
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DOWN
15.54
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DOWN
29.37
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DOWN
0.57
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10 Yr
3.22%
SPDR Gold
114.67
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-1.27%
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-1.40%
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-1.35%
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-1.74%
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