Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Early this week, The Year rose 1 point, or 0.05%, to 2007, which was in line with expectations. Some analysts remain bullish, though, predicting it will increase again sometime this spring. Said one Morgan Stanley banker: "The unstoppable march of time is the next Google."
Speaking of Google, a tech-head who failed in an online movie business sued Apple and Google over the same. "Oh yeah, and Levi's, I also invented pants."
Apple is also being sued for the monopolistic practices of iTunes and iPods. Hey, plaintiff, what's the big deal? You don't like iTunes, you can always listen to records, though they only play with iPhonographs. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,309.92 | 1,091.49 | 2,138.44 | 32.31 |
Oil *
77.12
|
|
DOWN
154.48
|
DOWN
19.14
|
DOWN
37.61
|
DOWN
0.48
|
10 Yr
3.23%
SPDR Gold
115.06
|
|
-1.48%
|
-1.72%
|
-1.73%
|
-1.46%
|
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